JUST ONE OF THOSE DAYS...

I LOVE HAVING MOMENTS OF EMPOWERMENT! LOL...

SOMETIMES BEING A WOMAN IS SO MUCH FUN! IT'S SAD THAT A MAN DOESN'T REALLY GET A CHANCE TO KNOW HOW IT FEELS FOR A COMPLETE STRANGER TO STOP YOU AND TELL YOU THAT YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL OR SEXY...UNLESS YOU'RE BRAD PITT OR DENZEL...IT DOESN'T REALLY HAPPEN MUCH, DOES IT? WHEN DONE IN THE RIGHT WAY, A RANDOM COMPLIMENT LIKE THAT CAN SOOO MAKE YOUR DAY! TODAY WAS JUST ONE OF THOSE DAYS I SUPPOSE BECAUSE I HEARD IT SEVERAL TIMES. YES, I HEAR IT EVERYDAY, BUT NOT ALWAYS IN A RESPECTFUL WAY...MORE LIKE A GROSS PERVY WAY. SO TODAY WAS ACTUALLY PRETTY COOL IN THAT ALL MY COMPLIMENTS WERE...WELL, COMPLIMENTARY. LOL. IT MADE A CRAPPY DAY AT WORK SEEM A TOUCH MORE BEARABLE. SO THANK YOU TO THE RANDOM STRANGERS THAT SAID ALL THOSE NICE THINGS TO ME, JUST WHEN I NEEDED TO HEAR IT MOST. I KNOW ALL THIS MAY SOUND IMMODEST OR EGOTISTICAL...EVEN SLIGHTLY CONCEITED..BUT I CAN ASSURE YOU, I HAVEN'T BEEN HAVING THE BEST COUPLE OF WEEKS SO EVERY LITTLE BIT HELPS ;-)

WITH MY THANK YOU'S OUT THERE...LET'S HOPE IT CONTINUES INTO TONIGHT AND I GET A COUPLE FREE DRINKS OUT OF IT! LMFAO! OK, I'VE GONE TOO FAR! LOL...I'LL QUIT WHILE I'M AHEAD. AS ALWAYS...TIL LATER MY LOVERLIES!

~JANE~

WOW, WHAT AN EYE OPENER...

SEEMS I ALLOWED MYSELF TO BELIEVE A FANTASY...

THIS POST IS NOT TO EXPLAIN WHY SHIT HAPPENS...IT'S NOT GOING TO BE A "WHOA IS ME" BREAKDOWN...IT IS WHAT IT IS. I WAS WRONG. POINT PERIOD BLANK! DO I FEEL FOOLISH? HELL YES! HOWEVER, I DO APPRECIATE HONESTY. GUESS THAT'S JUST ME THOUGH...SINCE MY HONESTY IS WHAT FORCED "THE TALK" OR SHOULD I SAY, TEXT? CUZ DUDE DIDN'T EVEN CALL AND TELL ME HOW HE FELT. HE BBM'ED ME. AM I SURPRISED? I ACTUALLY AM. I ALWAYS THOUGHT THAT IF I WAS HONEST ABOUT WHO I AM AND HOW I FEEL, OR EVEN WHAT I'M THINKING...THAT IT WOULD, AT THE VERY LEAST, BE APPRECIATED. SEEMS PEOPLE JUST WANT TO HEAR WHAT THEY WANT TO HEAR...WHICH IS ALMOST ALWAYS, NOT THE TRUTH!!! DO I APOLOGIZE FOR BEING OPEN ABOUT WHO I AM AND WHAT I DO? NOT ONE DAMN BIT! I WON'T LIE, AFTER I READ THE MESSAGES LAST NIGHT...I FELT HORRIBLE. I BASICALLY CRIED MYSELF TO SLEEP. BUT I WOKE UP FEELING LIKE...THIS DUDE HAS NO IDEA HOW GOOD A WOMAN I AM! AND NOW, HE'LL NEVER KNOW. ALL BECAUSE OF WHAT I WRITE! THAT IS A DAMN SHAME...FOR HIM! SO YES, I'M OVER IT. FASTER THAN I WOULD'VE BEEN IN THE PAST. WHY? CUZ I'VE KEPT MY EYES AND EARS OPEN THROUGHOUT MY ADULT LIFE...I KNOW WHAT'S OUT THERE. SO I CAN SAY, WITHOUT ANY DOUBT IN MY MIND, THAT I AM A GOOD WOMAN. A GOOD PERSON. I HAVE NOT CROSSED TOO MANY PEOPLE LIKE MYSELF IN MY LIFETIME. SO I KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO FIND SOMEONE AS GENUINE AS I AM. YEA, I KNOW, THIS SOUNDS LIKE I'M FULL OF MYSELF...BUT THAT'S NOT THE CASE. IT'S JUST WHAT I SAID, I'VE PAID ATTENTION.

ANYWAY...I WON'T DWELL ON THIS ANYMORE THAN I DWELL ON UNNECESSARY DRAMA. I AM MOVING ON YET AGAIN. LOL...CHEESE AND RICE BRO...HOW MANY TIMES CAN ONE PERSON GO THROUGH THIS SHIT AND STILL BE ABLE TO SMILE??? I'M JUST GLAD, THAT AS I TYPE THIS...I AM MOST DEFINITELY SMILING. AFTER THE WAY I FELT LAST NIGHT, I DIDN'T THINK I WOULD BE CAPABLE OF THAT. IT'S SO AWESOME TO KNOW WHO YOU ARE...HOPE YOU ALL GET THE CHANCE TO EXPERIENCE THIS TYPE OF SELF AWARENESS. IT DIDN'T COME BY EASY FOR ME EITHER!!! YEARS OF STRUGGLE AND INSECURITY FINALLY BROUGHT ME SOME FORM OF SELF ACCEPTANCE. AND I AM HAPPIER IN MY LIFE THAN I'VE EVER BEEN. EVEN WITH ALL THE BS.

ANYWHOOOOO...TIME TO GET BACK TO WORK,LOL...

TIL NEXT TIME MY BABYLUV'S...

~JANE~

SECOND CHANCES???

I'VE ALWAYS BELIEVED THAT EVERYONE DESERVES A SECOND CHANCE. I'VE EVEN BEEN KNOWN TO GRANT A THIRD AND EVEN FOURTH CHANCE DEPENDING ON A GIVEN SITUATION. PEOPLE MAKE MISTAKES. THEY HURT YOUR FEELINGS. THEY FAIL TO DELIVER. IT'S HUMAN NATURE. WE ARE AN IMPERFECT SPECIES. WHAT I DON'T GET IS WHY I WOULD GET UPSET BECAUSE SOMEONE FAILED ON ME THE SECOND TIME AROUND AS WELL. I MEAN LET'S FACE IT FOLKS...THEY LET YOU DOWN ONCE, WHY WOULDN'T THEY DO IT AGAIN? RIGHT? SO WHY AM I EVEN LETTING THIS GET TO ME??? OK, I KNOW WHY...I WANTED THIS PERSON TO PROVE ME WRONG...I WANTED TO BELIEVE THAT THEY WERE EVERYTHING THEY CLAIMED TO BE. NOT SAYING THAT THEY AREN'T, JUST SAYING THEY HAVEN'T EVEN ATTEMPTED TO PROVE THEY ARE! SO I'M STUCK NOT KNOWING WHAT TO DO OR HOW TO FEEL. YES, I'M DISAPPOINTED. SO I SUPPOSE THAT IS HOW I FEEL...I DON'T KNOW. I ALWAYS END UP PUTTING TOO MUCH FAITH IN PEOPLE KNOWING THAT NO-ONE CAN BE TRUSTED TO COME THROUGH FOR YOU, BUT YOU. SO I'M LEFT WITH THE DI DI DI DUMB BITCH FACE...UGH...OH WELL.

I THINK I NEED TO EXTREME MAKE-OVER MY LIFE. OR MAYBE I JUST NEED TO REMOVE CERTAIN PEOPLE FROM MY LIFE. I DON'T KNOW. THIS IS WHY I LIVE BY "YOU GET WHAT YOU GIVE". DON'T EXPECT MUCH WHEN YOU'RE NOT WILLING OR CAPABLE OF DOING MUCH. ANYWHO...GOTTA GO...TIL NEXT TIME LOVERLIES...


XOXO
~JANE~

NEVER SAY NEVER...

IT SEEMS I'M ALWAYS DOING THINGS TO ENSURE I GO STRAIGHT TO HELL! UGH! WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING? I KNOW BETTER! WELL, KNOWING BETTER AND ACTUALLY BEING/DOING BETTER ARE 2 TOTALLY DIFFERENT THINGS APPARENTLY! I CAN ONLY SIT HERE AND SHAKE MY HEAD AT MY OWN STUPIDITY. I'VE ALWAYS SAID THAT I DO WHAT I FEEL LIKE DOING WHEN I FEEL LIKE DOING IT...I REFUSE TO EVER LIVE WITH THAT ANNOYING LITTLE QUESTION "WHAT IF..."BUT IN THIS INSTANCE...I SHOULD HAVE LEFT THINGS ALONE!!! NOT ALL OPPORTUNITIES SHOULD BE SEIZED! LOL. OK, AT THIS POINT I THINK I'M ONLY SAYING WHAT I THINK OTHER PEOPLE WANT TO HEAR ME SAY. BECAUSE TO BE PERFECTLY HONEST...I DON'T FEEL BAD...WHY? I DON'T KNOW. BUT I DON'T. I ENJOYED MYSELF. I JUST DON'T LIKE MAKING THESE ACTIONS OF MINE, A REGULAR HABIT LOL. I KNOW I'M NOT BEING SPECIFIC, AND THAT IS QUITE INTENTIONAL! NOT FOR MY BENEFIT, BUT TO NOT GIVE AWAY TOO MUCH IN REGARDS TO OTHER PARTIES INVOLVED. I KNOW I AM USUALLY VERY OPEN AND HONEST ABOUT WHAT GOES ON IN MY LIFE...BUT SOME THINGS ARE BEST KEPT TO ONES SELF. I JUST FEEL I NEEDED TO VENT A BIT. I THINK I JUST FEEL BAD, FOR NOT FEELING BAD! A PART OF ME DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO FEEL ABOUT THAT. LIKE I KNOW I SHOULD FEEL BAD...BUT EVERYTIME I START TO THINK OF ALL THE REASONS WHY I WAS WRONG, I FIND MORE REASONS TO JUSTIFY WHAT I'VE DONE. OH WELL, IT'S TOO LATE NOW. I CVAN'T TURN BACK TIME AND RE-DO OR UNDO ANYTHING...NOT THAT I WOULD! I DID IT BECAUSE I WANTED TO. I WILL NOT APOLOGIZE FOR ACCEPTING SOMETHING I WANTED. YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN! LOL...ALWAYS DEFEDNING WHAT I'VE DONE WITH SOME TYPE OF JUSTIFICATION! LMAO...I'M HOPELESS!

ON A TOTALLY DIFFERENT TOPIC...THIS BORN AND RAISED IN NEW YORK CHICA JUST MAY BE MOVING OUT OF NEW YORK! I HAVE OFFICIALLY BEEN COURTED BY CONNECTICUT AND NEW JERSEY, LOL. I SHALL KEEP YOU ALL UPDATED ON MY DECISION...TIL NEXT TIME FOLKS...

XOXOXOX
~JANE~

EMOTIONAL...

THIS HAS BEEN A ONE HELL OF A ROLLERCOASTER RIDE OF A WEEK FOR ME. WHO KNEW SO MUCH COULD HAPPEN IN LESS THAN 7 DAYS??? I HOPE TO BE STRONG ENOUGH TO GET THROUGH THIS ALL WITH THE SAME DETERMINATION AND JOY FOR LIFE AS I DID BEFORE IT ALL BEGAN. I KNOW THAT I HAVEN'T EXACTLY BEEN DEALING WITH IT ALL IN THE BEST WAY...BUT THOSE STORIES ARE BEST LEFT FOR ANOTHER POSTING...

I WOULD JUST LIKE TO THANK MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY FOR ALL OF THEIR SUPPORT AND JUST FOR LOVING ME THE WAY THEY DO. I KNOW I'M NOT THE EASIEST PERSON TO LOVE, SO THANK YOU WITH ALL MY HEART.

NOW I'M STARTING TO DEPRESS MYSELF...OK THE SMILE IS BACK...NO MATTER HOW MOMENTARY...TIL LATER LOVERLIES....XOXOXOX

WOWZERS...

IT'S SO FUNNY TO ME WHEN I LOOK BACK AT MY OLDER POSTS AND REALIZE HOW MUCH MY FEELINGS, AND JUST MY LIFE IN GENERAL, CHANGE FROM A DAY TO DAY BASIS! LESS THAN A MONTH AGO I WAS ABOUT READY TO PROFESS MY LOVE TO SOME DUDE I NO LONGER EVEN WANT TO KNOW ABOUT! LMAO. HEY, I TRIED, DUDE WAS SCUM. POINT. PERIOD. BLANK! I JUST HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE TURN OUT TO BE TOTALLY DIFFERENT THEN THEY APPEAR TO BE IN THE BEGINNING OF A RELATIONSHIP. OH WELL, IT'S ALL FOR THE BEST. I'M GLAD I FOUND OUT SOONER THAN LATER THAT HE WAS TRASH. I'VE ALSO CUT BACK ON THE WHOLE FLIRTING THING. IT'S AWESOMELY FUN TO FLIRT...JUST NOT WHEN THE OTHER PARTY INVOLVED IN THE FLIRTING PROCESS STARTS TO TAKE SHIT SERIOUSLY...NO BUENO! ANYWHO...I'VE BEEN GOING THROUGH A COUPLE OF NOT SO FUN THINGS IN MY LIFE, BUT OVERALL, I'VE BEEN GOOD. MY SEX LIFE STILL SUCKS MAJOR BALLS...AFTER THAT ONE TIME AWESOME ASS SEX SESSION WITH MY HOMIE, NOTHING. THERE IS SOMEONE I HAVE BEEN FRIENDS WITH FOR A WHILE, AND WHO I WOULD NOT MIND GIVING SOME...WOULDN'T MIND NOT ONE LITTLE BIT! I'VE ACTUALLY BEEN THROWING THE COOCHIE AT HIM FOR QUITE SOME TIME LMAO...IT'S CRAZY CUZ I'VE KNOWN HIM FOR YEARS. WHO KNOWS WHAT COULD HAVE HAPPENED A LONG TIME AGO, BUT I MESSED UP. BAD...TOO LONG A STORY TO GET INTO RIGHT NOW. HOWEVER, I TAKE FULL RESPONSIBILITY FOR WHAT HAPPENED. HE'S A COOL DUDE. I ACTUALLY REALLY LIKE HIM. FUNNY THING IS, I HAVEN'T SEEN HIM IN YEARS! WE HAVE KEPT IN CONTACT THROUGH MYSPACE, FACEBOOK, TEXT AND EVEN BBM...BUT I HAVE NOT SEEN THIS MAN FACE TO FACE IN YEARS! LIL SECRET BETWEEN US, I KINDA HAVE THE HOTS FOR HIM, LOL...I'M SURE HE KNOWS THIS. I HAVE NOT BEEN SHY ABOUT WHAT I WOULD LIKE TO DO WITH HIM, TO HIM AND FOR HIM! GEEZ, SOMETIMES I'M TOO FORWARD. I JUST DON'T KNOW HOW ELSE TO BE. WELL, THE POINT IN BRINGING HIM UP NOW IS THAT I THINK WE ARE FINALLY READY TO STOP THE PHONE FLIRTATION AND ACTUALLY GET IT IN! CAN YOU SAY "ABOUT DAMN TIME"??? I'M A LITTLE WORRIED ABOUT THIS NEXT STEP THOUGH. YOU SEE, I'VE KINDA GOTTEN USED TO HIM. LIKE, IF WE DON'T TEXT EACH OTHER ALL DAY, I'LL MISS HIM A LITTLE BIT. NOW IT'S ONE THING TO WANT HIM TO POUND ME OUT AND QUITE ANOTHER FOR ME TO ACTUALLY LIKE HIM. AND I HAVE TO ADMIT, I DO LIKE HIM. HE'S SMART, FUNNY, SWEET AND CUTE. NOW I KNOW THIS SOUNDS LIKE EVERY OTHER TIME I'VE HAD A CRUSH ON SOMEONE, LOL. THE DIFFERENCE HERE IS, WE'VE BEEN FRIENDS FOR A LONG TIME. WHAT IF WE DO THIS, AND I DO THE CHICK THING AND TOTALLY FALL FOR HIS ASS??? I DON'T REALLY SEE HIM AS THE TYPE OF GUY TO CATCH FEELINGS. IN REALITY, HE HAS NEVER EVEN MENTIONED LIKING ME AS ANYTHING MORE THAN FRIENDS. WHICH HAS BEEN AWESOME. I ALWAYS END UP HURTING A FRIEND CUZ THE FEELINGS AREN'T MUTUAL. BUT IN THIS CASE, I THINK I'M GOING TO BE THE ONE THAT BOILS HIS RABBIT...U KNO WHAT I'M SAYIN? JUST CUZ HE'S SUCH A COOL DUDE. A TOTAL PERV...WHICH I'M SURE IS QUITE EVIDENT BY NOW TO YOU ALL...IS A QUALITY I LOVE IN A MAN! JUST THE RIGHT AMOUNT OF PERVERSITY AND SEXINESS, YET SWEET AND THOUGHTFUL AS WELL. SHIT, AND I'M IN LOVE! SO FAR...HE HAS ALL THESE QUALITIES. THAT'S WHY I'VE KEPT HIM AROUND FOR SO LONG *WINK WINK*...WELL THAT AND THE FACT THAT I KNOW HE'S AN AMAZING KISSER LOL. AYYYY WHAT TO DO??? I DON'T KNOW WHY I ASK...I ALREADY KNOW MYSELF, AND I KNOW THAT MEANS I'M GOING TO GO FOR IT CUZ I UNDERSTAND I ONLY HAVE ONE LIFE TO LIVE AND BELIEVE YOU, ME...I'M LIVING IT! I REFUSE TO GROW OLD AND GREY AND SIT IN MY ROCKER ONE DAY THINKING ALOUD "WHAT IF...." I'M NOT A "WHAT IF" TYPE OF PERSON. SO FUCK IT! IF PRESENTED TO ME, I WILL TAKE THE OPPORTUNITY.

I'M FEELING LIKE A BROKEN RECORD...LOL...SAME OLD SONG, JUST WITH NEW BACKUP SINGERS! LOL. HEY, WHAT CAN I SAY? I'M YOUR AVERAGE, NORMAL, EMOTIONAL WOMAN! LOL


ANYWAY....GOTTA GO...

TIL NEXT TIME MY LOVERLIES!
~JANE~

BLAME IT ON ME, NOT THE ALCOHOL!!!

UMMM YEA, OK, SOOOO...I DID THE DIRTY DEED...ABOUT FREAKIN TIME!!! LOL. IT WENT WELL...LOL. I WAS VERY NERVOUS AT FIRST BEING THAT IT WAS SOMEONE I'VE KNOWN FOR A WHILE AND HAD NEVER SEEN IN THAT...LIGHT, SO TO SPEAK. YEA, I WONT LIE, I HAD A BIT OF A CRUSH ON DUDE FOR A WHILE. HE COULD MOST DEF GET IT...AND, WELL, HE DID! HA! I DON'T KNOW ABOUT HIM...BUT I KNOW I ENJOYED MYSELF VERY MUCH! LOL. I WOULD NOT MIND GOING DOWN THAT ROAD AGAIN...I'M A LITTLE BLACK AND BLUE AND A TOUCH SORE, BUT ALL WELL WORTH IT ........................... SORRY WAS HAVING A FLASHBACK LOL. ANYWHOOOO...

I HAVE TO ADMIT TO FEELING A LITTLE BIT BAD WHILE I WAS AT DUDES HOUSE...MIND YOU, NOTHING WOULD HAVE KEPT ME FROM GOING OVER...I WANTED HIM TO FUCK MY BRAINS OUT! LOL, HOWEVER, I HAD A FEW MISSED MESSAGES FROM THE GUY I LIKE. IN ONE, HE ASKED ME IF I WOULD BE FAITHFUL TO HIM WERE WE TO END UP TOGETHER...TALK ABOUT PERFECT TIMING! LMAO. BUT THE TRUTH IS, WHEN I'M WITH SOMEONE, I AM FAITHFUL. HOW I SEE IT IS, IF YOU REALLY FEEL THE NEED TO CHEAT SO BADLY, YOU SHOULD JUST BREAK UP WITH YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER. BECAUSE THAT JUST MEANS THAT YOU'RE NOT AS HAPPY WITH THAT PERSON AS YOU THINK YOU ARE. I KNOW FOR A FACT, THAT WHEN I'M IN LOVE...NO ONE ELSE EVEN EXISTS. I HAVE CHEATED, WONT DENY IT. BUT I CHEATED AFTER BEING CHEATED ON, ONLY AS A FORM OF (STUPIDITY) REVENGE. FOR BEING HURT BY SOMEONE I WAS WITH. I AM A SERIOUS FLIRT! I LOVE TO FLIRT! BUT I NEVER TAKE IT PAST THE FLIRTING STAGE. I'M WHAT SOME MIGHT CALL, A DICK TEASE...LMFAO. POINT IS, I DON'T CHEAT. AND I MUST SAY, THAT HIM ASKING ME IN THE FIRST PLACE, MADE ME HAPPY. WHICH LEADS ME TO BELIEVE, I DO LIKE HIM. I KNOW, HOW VERY HIGH SCHOOL OF ME! LOL. BUT I DO. SO NOW I'M WORRIED I MAY END UP FALLING FOR THIS GUY AND HE'S GOING TO LEAVE ME...YEA IT'S ONLY FOR 6 MONTHS, BUT STILL. UGH...I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M THINKING OR FEELING ANYMORE. I KNOW I'M NOT READY FOR A RELATIONSHIP. I PROVED THAT TO MYSELF HOW MANY TIMES ALREADY??? YET AND STILL, A PART OF ME WANTS TO BELIEVE I CAN BE IN A HAPPY, TRUSTING RELATIONSHIP AGAIN SOMEDAY SOON. I'M NOT GETTING ANY YOUNGER. NOT THAT I'M BY ANY MEANS OLD...I JUST DON'T WANT TO LOOK BACK AT MY LIFE ONE DAY AND REALIZE I HELD BACK FROM ANYTHING. THUS FAR, I DON'T BELIEVE I HAVE. ANYWAY, WE'LL SEE WHAT HAPPENS WITH MY "OFFICER"...

IT'S CRAZY, I HAVE THIS GUY I LIKE, A FRIEND I JUST HAD SEX WITH THE DAY BEFORE YESTERDAY, AND A COUPLE OF GUYS I FLIRT WITH HARDBODY...LOL...YET, I STILL HAVE THE NERVE TO SAY I'M BORED SOMETIMES! LMAO. EVEN CRAZIER IS THE FACT THAT WITH ALL OF THESE DUDES, I FINALLY HAD SEX AFTER 3 FREAKIN MONTHS! I AM A DAMN DICK TEASE! WOW. LOL. WELL, I'M OFF TO DO THE MOMMY THING...THE ONE THING THAT KEEPS ME SANE AND FOCUSED.

TIL THE NEXT TIME...

***BESITOS***
~JANE~

YAY 4 ME!!!

WOW, WHEN I SAY EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON...I'M NOT JUST BLOWIN SMOKE UP YA ASS!!! LATELY, I HAVE BEEN GOING THROUGH A SLUMP...YOU ALL KNOW WHAT I MEAN. LOL. YES, AS ALWAYS, IT'S SELF IMPOSED. OF COURSE, IT'S EASY TO GO OUT AND GET SOME...BUT WHY SETTLE FOR JUST ANYBODY? RIGHT? WELL, I HAVE BEEN HOLDING OUT BECAUSE I FEEL, THAT AT THIS POINT IN MY LIFE, I SHOULD ACCEPT NOTHING LESS THAN WHAT I DESERVE. I HAVE HAD MY EYE ON A COUPLE OF DUDES. ONE IN PARTICULAR IS DRIVING ME ABSO-FREAKIN-LUTELY INSANE! "TO PJ PARY OR NOT TO PJ PARTY?" AY YI YI...LOL...THE OTHER ONE IS JUST PLAYIN WIT IT! LOL. NOW...ALTHOUGH IT MAY SEEM I HAVE AN ENDLESS SUPPLY OF CANDIDATES, THAT IS JUST NOT THE CASE! WELL, THAT'S NEITHER HERE NOR THERE, BECAUSE THIS POST IS ABOUT SOMEONE NEW.....

MAY I JUST SCREAM OH EM GEE REALLY QUICKLY BEFORE I EXPLAIN....LOL....OK NOW THAT I HAD MY CRAZED CHEERLEADER MOMENT I'LL GET INTO IT...
THIS DUDE HAS BEEN A FRIEND OF MINE FOR ONLY A FEW SHORT MONTHS. MET HIM THROUGH A MUTUAL ACQUAINTANCE. ACTUALLY MET HIM THROUGH SOME DUDE THAT WAS TRYING TO HOLLA AT ME, BUT THAT'S ANOTHER STORY LOL. SO THIS GUY IS IN THE MILITARY. YES, OFFICERS ARE JUST TOO DAMN TASTY! Mmmm Yummy...WELL, ANYWHO...HE DECIDED TODAY WAS THE RIGHT DAY TO COME OUT AND EXPRESS THE WAY HE FEELS ABOUT ME. MIND YOU, I HAD TALKED ABOUT HIM TO ONE OF MY BFF'S IN REFERENCE TO HOW HE COULD "GET IT"!!!! LMAO. HOWEVER, I DO NOT THROW MYSELF AT ANYONE UNLESS I FEEL THERE IS A MUTUAL CONNECTION. (SEE PJ PARTY LOL) I HAD NOT GOTTEN THE IMPRESSION THAT HE WAS INTO ME, SO I DIDN'T BOTHER. TIL TODAY THAT IS...AND ME OH MY...HE WANTS HIM SOME JANE REAL BAD!!! LOL. WELL, I'VE SPENT BASICALLY THE ENTIRE DAY SO FAR GETTING TO KNOW HIM BETTER. AND DAMNED IF I DON'T FIND MYSELF SERIOUSLY ATTRACTED TO, NOT JUST HIS OUTWARD APPEARANCE, THE PERSON HE IS. HE'S SMART, VERY FUNNY, UPFRONT ABOUT HIS LIKES AND DISLIKES AND JUST AN OVERALL REALLY COOL DUDE. FOR THE LAST FEW MONTHS WE'VE BEEN PRETTY COOL FRIENDS. HANG OUT AND TALK SHIT, FLIRT A LITTLE, AS IS MY WAY LOL...SO DO I RISK OUR FRIENDSHIP, AS YOUNG AS IT MAY BE, TO SEE WHAT ELSE THERE IS WITH HIM? IF THERE IS ANYTHING MORE? HE WAS VERY OPEN ABOUT WANTING TO MOVE IN ANOTHER DIRECTION WITH ME...MAYBE I OVER ANALYZE SHIT...BUT I FEEL PRETTY DARN GOOD ABOUT THIS ONE. SUPPOSE ONLY TIME WILL TELL. OH AND I FORGOT TO FEED YA THE CHICKEN KICKER HERE...HE'S LEAVING IN ABOUT 3 WEEKS FOR INTENSE TRAINING IN MISSOURI...SO I HAVE VERY LITTLE TIME TO DECIDE WHAT TO DO. HE'LL BE GONE FOR 6 MONTHS BUT HAS ALREADY ASKED ME TO COME FOR WEEKEND VISITS CUZ NOW THAT HIS FEELINGS ARE ALL OUT IN THE OPEN, HE WANTS TO SPEND AS MUCH TIME WITH ME AS HE CAN...VERY SWEET, AWWWWWW LOL...AYYYYYY I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!

ANOTHER CLIFFHANGER FOLKS....SORRY

TIL NEXT TIME

*BESOS*
~JANE~

SI FUERA TAN FACIL...

YOU KNOW IF LIFE WERE MEANT TO BE EASY, IT WOULD BE...BUT IT'S NOT. IF I WERE MEANT TO UNDERSTAND WHY PEOPLE DO THE THINGS THEY DO...WELL THEN SHIT, I'D BE WAY TO COMFY COZY AND ONE WITH THE WORLD! AND LET'S FACE IT FOLKS, THAT IS JUST NOT THE WAY IT WORKS! I HAVE COME TO EXPECT AND, INDEED, ACCEPT WHAT THIS WORLD HAS TO OFFER ME. MY EXPECTATIONS? NEVER THINK YOU KNOW WHAT'S COMING TO YOU OR THOSE AROUND YOU! THAT'S IT! LIFE IS UNEXPECTED. ACCEPT IT! AS HAVE I! I SAY THIS ALL FOR A REASON...YES THERE IS A POINT TO THIS NONSENSE....

I'M NOT SURE IF I HAD MENTIONED THAT MY EX WAS STAYING WITH ME FOR THE LAST WEEK OR SO...WELL SHE WAS, PAST TENSE...BECAUSE OF COURSE, THERE IS JUST SO MUCH OF EACH OTHER WE ARE ABLE TO ENDURE, LOL. AS I HAVE SAID MANY TIMES, MY EX IS PART OF MY FAMILY. I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR HER. SHE NEEDED A PLACE TO STAY AND GET AWAY FROM HER DRAMA AT HOME, SO I WELCOMED HER INTO MY HOME WITH OPEN ARMS. NOW I AM A VERY UNDERSTANDING PERSON, TO AN EXTENT. HOWEVER, SHE OVERSTEPPED HER BOUNDS AND I DIDN'T HANDLE THAT TOO WELL. YES, I COULD HAVE OVERLOOKED CERTAIN THINGS, BUT WHY SHOULD I? ANYONE WHO KNOWS ME, KNOWS I DON'T HAVE THE MOST EVEN TEMPERAMENT. I HAVE BEEN KNOWN TO BE A BIT AGGRESSIVE WHEN BACKED INTO A CORNER. I'M NOT TALKING PHYSICALLY AGGRESSIVE (ALTHOUGH IT'S HAPPENED)...BUT JUST MY OVERALL ATTITUDE AND MOOD GETS PRETTY DARN SHITTY WHEN I'M UPSET. NOW RATHER THAN WASTE MY TIME AND CURSE THIS CHICK OUT, I DECIDED TO COMPLETELY IGNORE HER. SHE DIDN'T LIKE THAT TOO MUCH AND OH FREAKIN WELL FOR HER! LOL...SO SHE DECIDED TO GO BACK "HOME" TO THE DEPRESSED, SUICIDAL PSYCHO SHE HAS OVER THERE. AGAIN, OH WELL...I CAN'T LIE AND SAY I UNDERSTAND WHY SHE WENT BACK. MAYBE SHE'S LONELY AND LONGS FOR SOMEONE, EVEN THE CRAZIEST OF PEOPLE, TO SHOW HER SOME TYPE OF AFFECTION. IF SO, SORRY, BUT THAT WONT BE ME. SO I GUESS SHE MADE THE RIGHT CHOICE. I LOVE HER AND WISH HER THE BEST. I KNOW SHE'S MAKING MAJOR MISTAKES IN HER LIFE BUT WHO AM I TO TELL HER TO DO THINGS DIFFERENTLY? ON THAT NOTE, WE SHALL MOVE ON......

NOW, DESPITE MY BEST EFFORTS, I HAVE REMAINED NON-SEXUAL LOL. YES, I HAVE BEEN FLIRTATIOUS, BUT TO NO AVAIL. MY DIRTY MIND IS JUST BEING WASTED! LOL. I HAVE SOME HIGH HOPES FOR POSSIBLE SUITORS. AND I WILL KEEP MY FINGERS CROSSED. THERE IS ONE PARTICULAR "MOUNTAIN" I'D LIKE TO CLIMB...BUT I DO NOT THINK HE IS AS WILLLING AS I AM. NONETHELESS, I HAVE MY HIKING GEAR READY TO GO ON A MOMENTS NOTICE! JUST IN CASE, OF COURSE. I BELIEVE I AM WEARING HIM DOWN,LOL...ONLY TIME WILL TELL. I JUST CAN'T WAIT TO PUT MY IMAGINATION TO USE AGAIN! I HAVE TO ADMIT, I DO ENJOY BEING A TEASE SOMETIMES...ONLY SOMETIMES...AT OTHER TIMES ALL I WANT TO DO IS SHOW SOMEONE WHO'S THE FREAKIN BOSS!!! BECAUSE I DO RUN SHIT! LMAO...OK, THIS IS STARTING TO SOUND A TAD SOFT CORE PORN...IF ONLY I COULD GET INTO HIS HEAD AND FIND OUT IF HE REALLY WANTS SOME OR NOT! THAT WOULD BE SERIOUSLY HOT! OK...OK...THINK IT'S TIME TO GO!!! LOL

TIL NEXT TIME...

XOXOX
~JANE~

NOT WHAT I HAD IN MIND...

I'M BACK AND NOT AT ALL IN A GOOD MOOD! I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO GET OUT AND ENJOY THE BEAUTIFUL EVENING...WHICH I ENDED UP DOING...BY MYSELF IN THE PARK! AFTER TELLING MY SO CALLED COMPANY TO GO THE HELL AWAY!!! I SWEAR MY TOLERANCE LEVEL IS BASICALLY ZERO. THE THINGS I USED TO PUT UP WITH, WILL NO LONGER BE TOLERATED. I THINK I'M MORE MAD AT MYSELF FOR ALLOWING OTHER PEOPLE'S SELFISHNESS TO GET TO ME. I KNOW YOU CAN'T TEACH SOMEONE HOW TO BE CONSIDERATE, BUT WTF BRO??? THE WORST PART IS, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO BE ANY OTHER WAY THAN THE WAY I AM. SO I END UP GETTING THE SHORT END OF THE STICK EVERYTIME FOR BEING TOO DAMN NICE. WELL, I HAVE HAD ENOUGH. THAT'S WHY I HAD TO ASK MY "COMPANY" TO GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME BEFORE THERE WAS A REAL PROBLEM!!! UGH!!!!!!!! OK, OK...I DON'T WANT TO RAGE ABOUT THIS ALL NIGHT. I JUST FEEL LIKE A DICK FOR BELIEVING THAT SOMEONE COULD CHANGE OR AT LEAST PRETEND TO BE A BETTER PERSON THAN THEY USED TO BE. IT WOULD OF COST YOU ALL OF ONE NIGHT TO NOT BE A COMPLETE FUCKER!!! ANYWHOOOOOOOO......

I DID HAVE SOME OTHER TOPICS I WANTED TO ADDRESS....BUT AT THE MOMENT MY MIND IS A LITTLE CLOUDY....I REALLY DO NEED TO CHILLAX! LOL.

OH OK...HOW ABOUT THIS...FOR THOSE PAYING ATTENTION, "THE NEWBIE" TURNED OUT TO BE A FREAKIN 5 WATT LIGHTBULB! NOT VERY BRIGHT AT ALL! SUPER NICE GUY. VERY SWEET AND ATTENTIVE. APPROPRIATELY AFFECTIONATE...BUT OH DEAR LORD! THE DUDE IS DUMB AS DIRT! I DON'T CLAIM TO BE THE SMARTEST PERSON AROUND, BUT COME ON! HE DIDN'T KNOW WHAT CLAUSTROPHOBIA MEANT! OR WHAT OCD WAS! OK, MAYBE THESE THINGS DON'T COME UP IN EVERYDAY CONVERSATION, BUT AS A GROWN ASS MAN I REFUSE TO BELIEVE HE "NEVER HEARD OF IT"!!! YUP, THAT WAS HIS RESPONSE TO ME WHEN I EXPLAINED WHAT IT MEANT IT TO HIM. I DON'T KNOW, MAYBE I'M BEING WAY TOO PICKY. OH WELL. NOW, TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE, I FOUND OUT HE WAS IN A BAD "ACCIDENT"...AND HAS BEEN IN ICU FOR THE LAST FEW DAYS. NOW SUDDENLY HIS SISTER HAS BECOME MY BFF OR SOME SHIT AND WANTS TO KEEP ME UPDATED ON HIS CONDITION. EVEN GOING SO FAR AS TO ASK ME WHAT WERE MY INTENTIONS WITH HER BROTHER!!! I AM ABOUT TO BE 35 YEARS OLD! IT'S NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS! I DIDN'T SAY IT QUITE SO RUDELY, BUT I FEEL HAD I DONE SO, I WOULD HAVE BEEN JUSTIFIED. I AM WORRIED ABOUT HIM. ABOVE ALL ELSE, WE ARE FRIENDS. BUT I'M AFRAID THEY MIGHT TAKE MY CONCERN FOR HIS WELL BEING AND TURN IT INTO ME HAVING FEELINGS FOR HIM OTHER THAN FRIENDSHIP. WHICH, I WAS ALREADY INFORMED BY HIS SISTER, IS HOW HE FEELS ABOUT ME. LIKE MORE THAN JUST FRIENDS. HE WANTS TO SUPPOSEDLY TRY AND MAKE A FUTURE WITH ME. OH BOY...NOW I FEEL LIKE I'M IN A SPANISH NOVELA! THIS IS INSANITY! I DO NOT LOOK FORWARD TO THE INEVITABLE HEARTBREAK I'M GOING TO CAUSE...I HAD NO IDEA THIS POOR GUY HAD ALREADY STARTED FEELING THAT WAY. UGH, I FEEL HORRIBLE NOW FOR WHAT I HAVE TO DO. BUT I WONT LEAD HIM ON, SO IT HAS TO BE DONE. IT'S FUNNY, MY FRIENDS SAY I ALWAYS HAVE SOMETHING CRAZY GOING ON AND I LAUGH IT OFF...BUT I'M STARTING TO THINK THEY'RE RIGHT! LOL..........


OH EM GEE...I'M ALWAYS GOING OFF TOPIC...LOL
TIME TO SAY ADIOS...

~JANE~

WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF?

I SHOULD NEVER TAKE SO LONG TO POST!!! I NOW HAVE SO MUCH I WANT TO SAY AND I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO START!!! I WOULD LIKE TO UPDATE YOU GUYS ON MY DAY TO DAY, BUT DAMNED IF I'M NOT ALWAYS TOO BUSY TO SIGN IN AND DO SO! OK, SO........

I SHALL BEGIN BY SAYING, I HAVE BEEN INDEED ENJOYING MY SUMMER THUS FAR. I'VE BEEN SPENDING A LOT TIME WITH MY FRIENDS. AS WELL AS MY KIDS. WHICH HAS BEEN AWESOME. BEEN HOUSE SHOPPING IN CONNECTICUT...STILL VERY INDECISIVE ABOUT MOVING OUT OF NEW YORK THOUGH. PREPARING FOR MY ROADTRIP/WEEKEND GETAWAY TO MAINE...I LOVE MAINE! IF I COULD AFFORD TO LIVE THERE I SO WOULD! IT'S HARD ENOUGH GETTING MY KIDS TO AGREE WITH A MOVE TO CT, LET ALONE MAINE! LOL. ANYWHO, MY EX HAS BEEN STAYING WITH ME...YEA, I KNOW HOW THAT SOUNDS...BUT SHE'S GOING THROUGH A LOT AND EVENTHOUGH SHE WASN'T THERE FOR ME WHEN I NEEDED HER, I WOULD NEVER USE THAT AGAINST HER AND LEAVE HER OUT IN THE COLD. AS YOU ALL MUST KNOW BY NOW, I LOVE HER TO BITS AND PIECES. I WILL ALWAYS BE HERE FOR HER. ALTHOUGH I MUST ADMIT, SHE IS CRAMPING MY STYLE! LOL. TWICE THIS WEEK SO FAR I COULD HAVE ENDED MY "DROUGHT"...BUT I STAYED HOME TO CHEER HER UP. LET ME NOT MAKE THAT SOUND LIKE I STAYED AGAINST MY WILL. SHE IS MY FAMILY AND MY FAMILY COMES BEFORE EVERYTHING. I HAVE TO ADMIT, THAT BEING WITHOUT SEX AGAIN IS NOT AS HARD AS IT WAS THE LAST TIME I WENT ON A SEX DIET. OH, DON'T GET ME WRONG, IT HAS BEEN QUITE TRYING...BUT I HAVE ALSO BECOME MORE SELECTIVE THAN EVER. THE OLDER I GET, THE LESS I'M WILLING TO SETTLE. I KNOW I'M A GOOD WOMAN. I KNOW WHAT I DESERVE. AND AT THIS POINT IN MY LIFE, I WONT ACCEPT ANYTHING LESS THAN THAT. NO, IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH LOOKS. I HAVE NEVER BEEN ABOUT THAT. YES, PHYSICAL ATTRACTION IS IMPORTANT. HOWEVER, U CAN BE PHYSICALLY ATTRACTED TO SOMEONE YOU DON'T FIND PARTICULARLY GOOD LOOKING. ANYWHO, I SHALL DELVE MORE INTO THAT IN ANOTHER POST.
FOR THE MOST PART...I CAN'T COMPLAIN. MY FAMILY IS WELL. WHICH IS ALWAYS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO ME.

YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN?!?!? NOW THAT I SETTLED DOWN FOR THIS POST...I GET A CALL...TAKING A DRIVE AROUND, AND MAYBE SOME DINNER...I WILL CONTINUE THIS HOPEFULLY WHEN I RETURN...

******BESITOS******
~JANE~

JUST A GLIMPSE....

ISN'T IT CRAZY AND OH SO TRUE THAT WHEN ONE DOOR CLOSES, ANOTHER ONE OPENS? THINGS NEVER REALLY WORK OUT THE WAY YOU EXPECT THEM TO...BUT SOMETIMES, THAT'S A GOOD THING. HARD AS YOU MAY TRY TO PLAN OUT YOUR LIFE, FATE IS ALWAYS THERE TO THROW YOU A CURVE BALL, ISN'T SHE? I TRY TO NOT EVER PLAN ANYTHING...BUT DEEP DOWN, I ALWAYS HOLD THE HOPE THAT THINGS WILL GO IN THE DIRECTION I WANT THEM TO. WHEN THEY DON'T, I KICK AND SCREAM AND THROW REALLY PATHETIC LITTLE TANTRUMS...BUT THEN I GET OVER IT. WHY? BECAUSE EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON! EVENTUALLY YOU COME TO REALIZE THAT EVERY SINGLE INSTANCE, MOMENT, EVENT OR NON EVENT THAT TAKES PLACE THROUGHOUT YOUR LIFE'S JOURNEY HAS GONE EXACTLY THE WAY IT WAS SUPPOSED TO, TO LEAD YOU TOWARDS THE PATH YOU WERE ALWAYS MEANT TO BE ON. I AM NOT A VERY RELIGIOUS PERSON. I WAS RAISED TO BELIEVE CERTAIN THINGS, HOWEVER, I GREW UP AND EVENTUALLY SAW THINGS THROUGH MY OWN EYES...NOT THE EYES OF SOMEONE TAUGHT TO SEE WHAT MY PARENTS SAW. I SEE THE FRAGILITY OF LIFE. I SEE THE PERSON I'VE BECOME. I SEE WHAT MY BODY HELPED TO CREATE (MY CHILDREN). I DON'T QUESTION WHY THINGS ARE WHAT THEY ARE, I ACCEPT THEM AS A FACT OF LIFE. WHEN I GO THROUGH HARD TIMES, I KNOW IT WAS MEANT FOR ME TO GAIN STRENGTH FROM THE EXPERIENCE. NOT GIVE UP AND CRY. ALTHOUGH AT TIMES, IT'S ALL I'VE WANTED TO DO. ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THAT, WHEN I AM SO HAPPY I FEEL MY HEART MAY BURST, I THANK WHOMEVER SAW FIT FOR ME TO EXPERIENCE SUCH BEAUTY. OK, OK....ENOUGH OF THAT...JUST HAD TO SHARE A LIL BIT BUT NOW I'M DONE! LOL

LET'S GET INTO SOME DIRT NOW...I HAVE NOT DISCUSSED MY WACK ASS LOVE LIFE IN QUITE SOME TIME. MAYBE IT'S PARTIALLY TO DO WITH THE FACT THAT IT'S NON-EXISTENT!!! I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS! I AM WILLING AND QUITE ABLE...BUT THE POSSIBLE SUITORS HAVEN'T REALLY BEEN ON POINT! I WILL SAY THIS, IN THE LAST COUPLE WEEKS, A CERTAIN SOMEONE HAS BEEN MAKING HIS WAY INTO MY LIL WORLD. I HAD HOPED (SEE ABOVE) FOR MORE TIME WITH SOMEONE ELSE THAT I FOUND MYSELF VERY INTERESTED IN...BUT IT DIDN'T WORK OUT. I AM OK WITH THIS...NOW! LOL. AS I HAVE SAID IN THE PAST, I REQUIRE A LOT OF ATTENTION AT TIMES. I LOVE ATTENTION! WHO DOESN'T? AND APPARENTLY, I WASN'T EVEN CLOSE TO BEING ON A LIST OF PRIORITIES FOR DUDE, SOOOOOO...DEAD END REACHED, HOPPED OUT OF THE CAR AND HOOFED IT PEOPLE! I HOPE TO REMAIN FRIENDS THOUGH, THERE GOES THAT WORD "HOPE" AGAIN LOL. ANYWHOOOOO......
THE NEWBIE, YES THAT WILL BE HOW I REFER TO HIM FROM HERE ON OUT, IS ACTUALLY PRETTY DARN COOL. VERY ATTENTIVE, WHICH I LOVE! LOL. SO HERE'S TO WHATEVER THE FUTURE MAY BRING. I MEAN, DAMN PEOPLE! CAN I GET SOME STEADY BUNZ??? I LIKE SEX TOO MUCH TO CONTINUE TO PUT MYSELF IN THESE SITUATIONS! LOL. OH GOD...BUT AM I REALLY READY FOR A REAL RELATIONSHIP??? I DON'T KNOW IF I AM. AND I KNOW THAT'S WHAT THE NEWBIE WANTS. AS SOMEONE TOLD ME RECENTLY...I'M GOING TO LET IT MARINATE. SEE WHAT HAPPENS. NO RUSH.

ANYWAY, I WILL END THIS ONE WITH A SMALL CLIFFHANGER...

TUNE IN NEXT TIME FOR THE CONCLUSION...LOL

HASTA LA PROXIMA

~JANE~

FINALLY...

LAST NIGHT I HAD A NICE LONG CONVERSATION WITH MY EX...AND IT WAS ACTUALLY A GOOD ONE! FOR THE FIRST TIME WE WERE ABLE TO DISCUSS WHAT WENT WRONG WITH US WITHOUT YELLING OR POINTING FINGERS. NOW DON'T GET ME WRONG, WE'VE BEEN VERY GOOD FRIENDS CONSIDERING HOW BADLY OUR RELATIONSHIP ENDED. HOWEVER, WE HAVE NEVER BEEN ABLE TO JUST TALK ABOUT "US" WITHOUT A LOT OF TEARS AND CURSING GETTING IN THE WAY! IT FELT SO GOOD TO KNOW THAT WE ARE BOTH PASSED THE NONSENSE THAT'S BEEN HOLDING US BACK FROM BEING TRUE FRIENDS TO ONE ANOTHER. I LOVE HER DEARLY AND EXPECT HER TO BE IN MY LIFE TIL THE VERY END. SHE IS MY FAMILY. NO MATTER HOW CRAZY THE BITCH IS! LMAO...BUT SERIOUSLY, I VALUE HER FRIENDSHIP MORE THAN I EVER THOUGHT I WOULD. IT WAS SO AWESOME TO BE ABLE TO TALK TO HER ABOUT WHAT'S GOING ON IN MY LIFE WITHOUT EDITING THE MORE GRAPHIC DETAILS...NOT THAT THERE'S MUCH TO TALK ABOUT! LOL. I'M SO CLOSE TO SAINTHOOD IT'S REDONKULOUS! LOL. SPEAKING OF THE TOTAL LACK OF SCANDAL IN MY LIFE...BESIDES SOME HEAVY FLIRTING, I HAVEN'T HAD ANY REAL EXCITEMENT IN MY SO CALLED "LOVE LIFE" IN QUITE SOME TIME. I DON'T KNOW, MAYBE IT'S ME AND MY PICKINESS. MAYBE IT'S "THEM" AND THEIR LACK OF INTEREST IN ME...WHO KNOWS? ALL I KNOW IS, I NEED MORE! I'M A PRETTY COOL CHICK YO! LOL. I'M INDEPENDANT. INTELLIGENT. FUNNY. GUESS I SEE MORE IN MYSELF THAN THEY DO, LOL. WHY DO I SUDDENLY FEEL LIKE I'M ADVERTISING MYSELF LIKE THIS IS EHARMONY OR SOME SHIT?! LMAO. WAIT, THAT'S A DATING THINGY RIGHT? LOL, I DON'T EVEN KNOW! BUT I'M SURE YOU ALL CATCH MY POINT. I'M JUST TIRED OF THE BS. I WANT SOMEONE TO SEE ME FOR WHO I AM, AND JUST KNOW THAT ANYONE THAT EVER LET ME SLIP THROUGH THEIR FINGERS WAS A FUCKING FOOL!!! LOL...IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR? I DON'T THINK IT IS. BEING SINGLE HAS BEEN FUN...BUT IT'S FINALLY TIME TO ALLOW MYSELF TO OPEN UP TO MORE. WE SHALL SEE WHAT HAPPENS I SUPPOSE...

ANYWHO...YA KNOW THE DRILL...

TIL NEXT TIME...

XOXOX
~JANE~

TIME 2 GET BACK IN THE GAME....

SO IT SEEMS I HAVE A PROBLEM...
EVERYTIME I HAVE EVEN A SMALL CONVERSATION WITH ANY OF MY FRIENDS, IT TURNS INTO A DISCUSSION ABOUT MY NON-SEX LIFE! I LOVE MY FRIENDS AND VALUE THEIR ADVICE...BUT I'M QUITE SURE I'LL FIND A HAPPY MEDIUM EVENTUALLY. OK, SO YEA, I WISH I WERE GETTING SOME BUNZ ON A MORE REGULAR BASIS...BUT I WON'T DIE IF I DON'T GET LAID! WELL, I HOPE I WON'T! LMAO. AND I ALSO WISH I WERE MORE CAPABLE OF ONE NIGHT STANDS. BUT THE FACT IS, I'M NOT A ONE NIGHTER TYPE OF CHICK. DO NOT GET ME WRONG...I HAVE HAD 2 ONE NIGHTERS. AND I DON'T SEE ANYTHING WRONG WITH IT. THERE ARE JUST SOME PEOPLE YOU ONLY WANT THAT ONE TIME AND THAT'S COOL. HOWEVER, IT'S NOT A LIFETSYLE I WISH TO ADAPT TO. I DO CURRENTLY HAVE SOMEONE IN MIND TO FILL THE VOID BETWEEN MY THIGHS...LMMFAOOOOO...THAT WAS SO HARLEQUIN ROMANCE! LOVE IT! NO, BUT SERIOUSLY, I GUESS I'M MORE INTO HIM THAN HE IS INTO ME. WHICH IS COOL. I'M NOT EVERYBODY'S CUP OF TEA. THEN I HAVE "MR. SMITH"...OH BOY, THAT'S A HEADACHE WAITING TO HAPPEN! WE'VE "GOTTEN IT IN" TWICE, BOTH TIMES WERE KICK ASS AWESOME!!! BUT...YEA, YOU KNEW THERE WAS A "BUT"...DUDE IS CURRENTLY UNAVAILABLE. I DON'T WANT TO RISK CREATING ANY UNNECESSARY DRAMA. NOW I KNOW SOME OF YOU MAY READ THIS AND THINK "THIS BITCH IS AN EVIL HOMEWRECKER" OR WHATEVER OTHER NONSENSE YOU WISH TO BELIEVE ABOUT ME, SOMEONE YOU MOST PROBABLY HAVE NEVER MET AND KNOW NOTHING ABOUT EXCEPT FOR THE MINOR RAVINGS OF LUNACY I POST HERE...BUT LET'S FACE IT PEOPLE, U ONLY LIVE ONCE! WHY NOT GO FOR IT IF IT'S PRESENTED TO YOU? YOU SEE, I DON'T ACTIVELY SEEK OUT ANYONE. SINGLE, MARRIED OR OTHER! I SUPPOSE THAT'S WHY I GO THROUGH SUCH LONG BOUTS OF SEXLESSNESS!!! LOL. I PUT NO GUNS TO TEMPLES. NOR DO I THROW MY COOCHIE IN ANYBODY'S FACE! SO PEOPLE, IT IS WHAT IT IS! OK, BACK TO MY STORY...LOL...

NOW, I REALLY DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH MORE MY POCKET ROCKET CAN TAKE!!! SO, NOW THAT THE SUMMER IS HERE, I THINK I WILL BECOME MORE ACTIVE WHEN IT COMES TO FINDING SOME TYPE OF COMPANIONSHIP. HONESTLY SPEAKING, I'M NOT READY FOR A RELATIONSHIP, BUT I WOULD LIKE TO HAVE AN ACTIVE BOOTY CALL OR SOME SHIT GEEZ! LOL. I SAY THIS AS IF I COULDN'T JUST CALL HALF THE NAMES IN MY PHONEBOOK AND DO THAT NOW. BUT WHERE'S THE FUN IN THAT?!? OK OK...I'M GOING TO STOP BITCHING AND MAN THE FUCK UP!!! LOL...I WILL POST ANY UPDATES FOR THOSE THAT ARE INTERESTED IN THE OUTCOME OF MY "BUNZ HUNT" LMAO...

HASTA LA PROXIMA,
COMO SIEMPRE,
***BESITOS Y ABRAZOS***
~JANE~

CRAZIER THINGS HAVE HAPPENED...

OK...SO, I WAS HANGING OUT WITH A COUPLE OF MY BOYS AFTER WORK YESTERDAY...I GOT OUT LIKE AT 2PM, SO IT WAS VERY EARLY, LOL...AND WE WERE HAVING SOME BEERS AND TALKING SHIT. YES, AT 2 IN THE AFTERNOON! LOL. ICE COLD CORONAS AND HEINEKENS KICK ASS WHEN YOU'RE TIRED FROM A LONG DAY!!! NOW I HAPPEN TO KNOW THAT ONE OF MY BOYS HAS A THING FOR ME. HE HAS BEEN VERY VOCAL ABOUT HIS FEELINGS. HE DOESN'T STAND A CHANCE IN HELL CUZ I JUST SO HAPPEN TO KNOW HIS GIRLFRIEND AKA BABY MAMA!!! AT ONE POINT, I NOTICED HIM CHECKING OUT THE BOOBIES...MIND YOU, MY BOOBS ARE MY MOST ATTRACTIVE ATTRIBUTE, AT LEAST I THINK SO! LOL. SO I'M USED TO IT. BUT SOMETHING IN THE WAY HE LOOKED UP AT ME WHEN I CAUGHT HIM MADE ME VERY SAD FOR HIM. IT'S HARD TO DESCRIBE. ALMOST LIKE A LONGING...I'M NOT VERY FAMILIAR WITH THAT LOOK. ANYWAY, I FELT I SHOULD BREAK THE TENSION THAT HAD STARTED TO SUFFOCATE ME A LITTLE AND BROUGHT UP SOMEONE I HAVE BEEN "TALKING" TO RECENTLY...LET ME START BY SAYING, I DON'T MAKE IT A HABIT OF "TALKING" TO GUYS I MET ONLINE...WITH THAT SAID, I HAVE STARTED SOME PRETTY HEAVY FLIRTING WITH A MAN I MET, BASICALLY, ON TWITTER! LMAO...I KNOW, IT'S CRAZY. BUT I HAVE TO ADMIT...HE HAS KINDA GOTTEN TO ME! (I'M GUESSING YOU HAVE ALL REALIZED THAT THIS POST IS NOT ABOUT MY BOY, LOL) I EVEN SENT THIS DUDE SOME NOT SO INNOCENT PIX OF MYSELF!!! AM I BUGGIN THE FUCK OUT OR WHAT??? I DON'T EVEN KNOW HIM LIKE THAT! WE STARTED OUT TALKING LIKE 2 NORMAL PEOPLE AND I'M STILL TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT HAPPENED! LOL. AYYYYY BUT I THINK HE'S SO COOL...YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW FAR A PERSONALITY AND INTELLIGENCE CAN GET YOU IN MY WORLD!!! SMART IS SOOO SEXY TO ME! THE COOLEST PART IS, THAT HE CAN DIRTY TALK JUST AS WELL AS I CAN! LMAO...NOT THAT I'M A TOTAL PERV! BUT YA TU SABE! LOL...IT'S FUNNY THOUGH, WE WERE LITERALLY STANDING RIGHT NEXT TO EACH OTHER ONE NIGHT A FEW WEEKS BACK BUT WERE NEVER INTRODUCED...ANYWAY, ALL I HOPE IS TO NOT BE DISAPPOINTED IF AND/OR WHEN HE TURNS OUT TO BE A JERK OR SOME SHIT.

OH EM GEE...SIDENOTE PEOPLE...
MY STALKER IS BACK AND IN FULL OPERATING MODE!!! I THOUGHT I GOT RID OF HIS ASS FOR GOOD! IT'S BEEN ALMOST A WEEK SINCE HE LAST MESSAGED OR CALLED ME, BUT IT SEEMS HE WAS JUST ON HIATUS AND IS BACK FOR A SECOND SEASON OF STALKING!!! GUESS IT'S TIME FOR THE CLAWS TO COME OUT AGAIN...I SHALL KEEP YOU ALL UPDATED ON BOTH TOPICS LOL....

TIL THE NEXT TIME...

***BESITOS***

~JANE~

PEOPLE SUCK!!!!

SO....HALFWAY TO CONNECTICUT LAST NIGHT I GET A CALL FROM MY SISTER AND I RECEIVED SOME NEWS THAT PISSED ME THE FUCK OFF!!! SO I DECIDED TO TURN THE FUCK AROUND AND COME BACK HOME!!! I LOVE MY FAMILY WITH ALL MY HEART! I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR ANY ONE OF MY SISTERS...BUT FOR ME TO TAKE ANY SHIT FROM MY SISTER'S SPERM DONOR??? HMMM NOPE, NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN! I MUST ADMIT IT WAS VERY AMUSING TO ME THAT HE ACTUALLY BELIEVED I WOULD FOLLOW ANY OF HIS RULES OR REGULATIONS...IN THIS CASE, MY EX WAS NOT WELCOME AT HIS HOUSE. HIS HOUSE??? YOU MEAN THE ONE MY SISTER PAID FOR? YEA OK, WHATEVER LOSER! BUT RATHER THAN DRIVE ALL THE WAY OVER THERE AND JUST END UP IN YET ANOTHER FAMILY BATTLE, I CHOSE TO NOT GO AT ALL. NOW I FEEL BAD, CUZ IT WASN'T JUST ABOUT IT BEING MEMORIAL WEEKEND...LET'S FACE IT, WE DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT THAT!!! LOL. IT WAS A FAMILY GET TOGETHER. WE WERE ALSO GOING TO CELEBRATE MY NEPHEW'S BIRTHDAY WHICH WAS ON THE 19TH. I FEEL LIKE I LET HIM DOWN. I WENT THROUGH MY SHARE OF TEARS LAST NIGHT. NOT ONLY BECAUSE I LET MY 7 YEAR OLD NEPHEW DOWN, BUT ALSO BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE MY SISTER LET'S HER MAN RULE HER LIFE. I HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH RESPECTING YOUR PARTNER'S WISHES. WHEN I'M IN A RELATIONSHIP, I BASE A LOT OF WHAT I DO OR DON'T DO ON HOW MY SIGNIFICANT OTHER FEELS. IT'S ONLY RIGHT. HOWEVER, WHEN IT COMES TO FAMILY, ESPECIALLY ONE AS CLOSE AS OURS, THAT SIGNIFICANT OTHER SHOULD HAVE NO SAY. CUZ YOU CAN BREAK UP WITH YOUR HUSBAND/WIFE/BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND...BUT YOUR FAMILY IS ALWAYS GOING TO BE YOUR FAMILY!!! MY SISTER AND I HAVE BEEN THROUGH A LOT SINCE SHE'S BEEN WITH THIS MAN. WHEN I SAY A LOT...I MEAN I EVEN SPENT 3 NIGHTS IN JAIL BECAUSE OF THEM. I FORGAVE MY SISTER BECAUSE I LOVE HER. SHE'S MY BABY SIS...HIM? HE CAN CHOKE ON A DRY COCK FOR ALL I CARE! NOW DO NOT GET ME WRONG...IF HE WERE GOOD TO HER, I WOULD AT LEAST GIVE HIM THE BENEFIT OF DOUBT. BUT THE GOOD FOR NOTHING PIECE OF SHIT HAS EVEN BEEN PHYSICALLY AND VERBALLY ABUSIVE TO HER SINCE THEY'VE BEEN TOGETHER!!! BASTARD HIT HER WHILE SHE WAS PREGNANT!!! THE WORST PART IS, THAT AS AN ADULT, I REALLY HAVE NO SAY IN WHAT SHE DOES OR WHAT SHE ALLOWS TO BE DONE TO HER...SO I JUST STAND BACK AND LET HER LIVE HER LIFE. SHE SAYS SHE LOVES HIM...THERE'S NOTHING ANY ONE OF US CAN SAY TO MAKE HER REALIZE SHE'S SO MUCH BETTER THAN THIS. ANYWAY, I'M GOING OFF TOPIC...WHICH IS PROBABLY A GOOD THING! MAYBE IF SHE READ THIS SHE WOULD OPEN HER EYES!!! BUT NO, THE POINT IN THIS POST WAS TO EXPRESS MY DISAPPOINTMENT AT NOT SPENDING TIME WITH MY FAMILY THIS WEEKEND. WELL, MY WHOLE FAMILY I MEAN. CUZ WHEN WE TURNED THE CAR AROUND, WE HEADED OUR ASSES STRAIGHT TO TIMES SQUARE,LOL. ENDED UP AT APPLEBEES CUZ WE WERE STARVING! SO IT WASN'T ALL BAD. I HAVE OTHER THINGS I WANT TO TALK ABOUT, BUT I'M GOING TO START ANOTHER POST...DOESN'T REALLY GO WITH THIS ONE LOL...

~JANE~

I'M ME...

IS IT STUPID TO FEEL LIKE THERE MAY BE SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME FOR STILL BEING SINGLE? IT SEEMS I GET ASKED THIS QUESTION EVERYDAY... "WHY ARE YOU SINGLE?" I GIVE THE STANDARD RESPONSE, "TIRED OF THE DRAMA THAT COMES WITH BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP"...WHICH IS ABSOLUTELY TRUE. ALSO, I LIKE BEING SINGLE! I WAS IN A RELATIONSHIP FOR OVER 4 YEARS AND IT WASN'T EASY. I WAS VERY MUCH IN LOVE...BUT LOVE SOMETIMES IS NOT ENOUGH TO HOLD TWO PEOPLE TOGETHER. WE ARE GOOD FRIENDS STILL. I WILL BE HERE FOR HER AS LONG AS SHE NEEDS ME. AND YES, I DID ATTEMPT A COUPLE OF RELATIONSHIPS SINCE THEN. HOWEVER, I KNEW I WASN'T READY TO GIVE MY ALL TO SOMEONE ELSE. SO WHY PUT A PERSON THROUGH THAT UNNECESSARILY? I STILL FEEL A CERTAIN AMOUNT OF GUILT FOR THE LAST GUY I DATED...HE FELL IN LOVE AND I DID NOT. IT WAS A VERY DIFFICULT SITUATION FOR US BOTH. I NEVER INTENTIONALLY SET OUT TO HURT ANYONE...BUT I HURT HIM VERY MUCH. THANKFULLY HE HAS FORGIVEN ME AND WE ARE FRIENDS AGAIN. MAINTAINING MY FRIENDSHIPS IS SO IMPORTANT TO ME. I HAVE A BIG HEART AND A BIG ASS SMILE! I LOVE TO SHARE IT! YEA, MAYBE I'M CORNY...BUT I DON'T CARE. I HAVE ALWAYS JUST BEEN MYSELF...WHETHER IT BE HAPPY, BITCHY, IN YOUR FACE...I AM WHO I AM, AT ALL TIMES! DAMN, THAT SOUNDED ALL POPEYE EMPOWERED N SHIT! LMAO. JOKES ASIDE, I CAN'T EVER PORTRAY MYSELF AS ANYTHING OTHER THAN ME. IT'S NOT IN ME TO BE PHONY. FAKE ASS PEOPLE SUCK SWEATY BALLZ! AND I REFUSE TO BE ONE! DAMN, I THINK I JUST ANSWERED MY OWN QUESTION...THERE AINT SHIT WRONG WITH ME!!! I'M JUST A GROWN UP AND HAVE TO GET USED TO IT, LOL. I SUPPOSE IT DOES TAKE A CERTAIN LEVEL OF MATURITY TO KNOW WHEN TO SAY WHEN. SO FOR FUTURE REFERENCE, TO ANYONE INTERESTED IN THE ANSWER...I'M NOT SINGLE CUZ THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME OR CUZ I'VE BEEN DAMAGED BEYOND REPAIR...IT'S JUST MY TIME TO BE ALONE. AND REMEMBER FOLKS, ALONE IS NOT SYNONYMOUS WITH BEING LONELY. I AM BY NO MEANS LONELY. I AM ACTUALLY ENJOYING THE FUCK OUT OF MY LIFE RIGHT NOW. IT FEELS GOOD TO HAVE FREEDOM...BUT DON'T GET ME WRONG, IF SOMEONE CATCHES MY ATTENTION...MY GOOD GIRL SIDE WILL AUTOMATICALLY BE REINSTATED! LOL...HONESTY AND TRUST IS KEY! SO TIL NEXT TIME BABYLUVS....

YA TU SABE...

~JANE~

EXPRESS TRAIN TO HELL...

OK, SO...I KNOW DEEP DOWN I AM A GOOD PERSON. THAT I HAVE A GOOD HEART AND AM A VERY COMPASSIONATE HUMAN BEING. I KNOW THAT I DON'T ALWAYS MAKE THE BEST DECISIONS. HOWEVER, I NEVER INTENTIONALLY SET OUT TO DO SOMETHING TO PURPOSELY HURT ANYONE ELSE. AS THEY SAY, SHIT HAPPENS! MY PROBLEM IS THAT I ALWAYS GO FOR WHAT I WANT. IT MAY SEEM LIKE A "DUH" THING TO DO. BUT TRUST ME, IT'S NOT ALWAYS THE RIGHT THING TO DO. OK, MAYBE CALLING IT THE "WRONG" THING IS GOING A BIT FAR...BUT IF A PART OF ME KNOWS IT AINT RIGHT...THEN YA TU SABE! LOL. SEE IT'S LIKE THIS...A VERY YOUNG MAN HAS TICKLED MY FANCY, LOL. WHEN I SAY YOUNG, I MEAN LIKE ONLY A YEAR OLDER THAN MY SON YOUNG!!! OMG, I KNOW!!!! I'M GOING TO FUCKING HELL!!! VIP SECTION RESERVED JUST FOR ME!!! FINE, HE WILL BE 20 SOON...OH DEAR LORD, DID I JUST SAY THAT?!? YUP, 20! BUT THIS KIDS SWAGG IS CRAZY!!! LOL. AND WHAT REALLY GETS ME IS...THAT HE WANTS ME BAD! LMAO!!! WHO DOESN'T LOVE THAT SHIT?!? HE THINKS I'M SEXY, WHICH IS ALWAYS HOT! AND WANTS ME TO SHOW HIM A THING OR 2, LOL. HOW BAD IS IT THAT I WANT TO SHOW HIM EVERY GODDAMN THING I KNOW?!?!? YEA, NOW BOARDING THE EXPRESS TRAIN TO HELL....WELL FUCK IT, AT LEAST I WILL SEE SOME OF MY FRIENDS THERE...I MIGHT EVEN SEE SOME OR ALL OF YOU! LOL...I'LL KEEP YOU ALL UPDATED ON WHAT I FINALLY DECIDE TO DO. REALISTICALLY SPEAKING...I'M PRETTY SURE I'VE ALREADY MADE MY DECISION...LMFAOOOOOO...AT LEAST I'M HONEST DAMMIT!

UNTIL THE NEXT DRAMEDY...

***BESITOS AMORES***

~JANE~

YEA IT'S ANOTHER ONE...

SO I'M SITTING HERE LISTENING TO MY 13 YEAR OLD NEPHEW TELL ME ABOUT HIS METRO-NORTH EXPLOITS...LMAO...AND I CAN'T FREAKIN BELIEVE HOW QUICKLY TIME PASSES!!! AS HE TELLS ME STORIES, MY OLDER SON COMES TO GIVE ME A KISS CUZ HE'S OFF FOR THE WEEKEND WITH FAMILY...I AM ONE LUCKY LADY! I JUST CAN'T GET OVER HOW MUCH MY FAMILY HAS GROWN. I KNOW I'M SHOWING MY AGE AND I LOVE IT! I HAVE BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH IN MY LIFE AND TO FINALLY BE AT A POINT WHERE I CAN HONESTLY SAY I'M HAPPY...IT AMAZES ME! JUST HAD TO SHARE MY TINY EPIPHANY...I AM A GROWN UP! AN IMMATURE ONE, BUT FUCK IT, I MADE IT OUT OF MY CRAZY ASS YOUTH IN ONE PIECE! AND THAT'S ALL THAT COUNTS! LOL....

LATERZ MY LOVERLIES!

~JANE~

IT'S ALWAYS ABOUT ME!

WOW I'M HAVING A TOTAL BRAINFART RIGHT NOW! I HAD SO MANY THINGS I WANTED TO TOUCH BASE ON HERE, BUT I LET ALL THE LITTLE EVENTS N HAPPENINGS BUILD UP TO WHERE I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO START, LOL. 1ST LET'S START WITH ME CHEATING ON MY SEX DIET! LMAO! YEA, I KNOW, ABOUT FREAKIN TIME! AND OH DEAR LORD, JESUS CHRIST IN HEAVEN, WAS IT GOOD!!! AGAIN I'M AMAZED AT HOW WORTH THE WAIT IT WAS! MR. SMITH...U ROCKED MY FUCKING SOX! MUCHAS GRACIAS! LOL...2ND THING I WANTED TO TALK ABOUT IS NOT AS FUN A TOPIC...MY BFF AND I ARE NOT TALKING...SHE TRIED TO ACCUSE ME OF SOMETHING INSTEAD OF JUST ASKING ME. I FEEL VERY HURT CUZ I AM BY FAR, THE BEST FRIEND SHE'S HAD IN THE LAST COUPLE YEARS. I THOUGHT SHE WAS AWARE OF THIS, BUT APPARENTLY NOT, SO I REFUSE TO PLAY THE BIGGER PERSON THIS TIME! I ALWAYS DO! SHE WAS WRONG AND I FEEL, QUITE HONESTLY BETRAYED. I'M SURE WE WILL GET OVER THE BS SOON ENOUGH, BUT I DON'T THINK I WILL BE ABLE TO SEE HER THE SAME WAY AFTER THIS. 1ST OF ALL IT'S SOMETHING SO PETTY. 2ND OF ALL, SHE JUST ASSUMED IT TO BE TRUE! SO WHETHER IT'S END OF THE WORLD SHIT OR NOT, I DON'T APPRECIATE THE DOUBT THAT WAS CAST OVER OUR FRIENDSHIP. AND AN APOLOGY TO OUR FRIENDS...WE'VE ALWAYS BEEN A TIGHT GROUP. DO EVERYTHING TOGETHER. AND THIS IS PUTTING A STRAIN ON ALL OF THEM AS WELL. SORRY MY BABYLUVS...BUT YA KNOW SHE'S WRONG. ANYWHOOOO....
ON YET ANOTHER SOUR NOTE....
I HAVE DECIDED TO LET GO OF MY SO CALLED "FRIENDSHIP" WITH MY EX. OUR RELATIONSHIP IS JUST WAY TOO UNHEALTHY...I LOVE HER WITH ALL OF MY HEART, BUT...YUP, THERE SHOULD NEVER BE A "BUT" WHEN IT COMES TO LOVE. WHICH IS WHY I'VE COME TO THIS DECISION. NOW, BEING PERFECTLY HONEST, I WILL PROBABLY CHANGE MY MIND ABOUT THIS IN A COUPLE WEEKS...BUT FOR NOW, I FEEL STRONG DAMMIT! LOL. NOW ON TO MUCH MORE FUN NEWS...
MY WEEKEND IS LOOKING PRETTY GOOD! TONIGHT GOING OUT WITH FRIENDS FOR SOME DRINKS, MUSIC N YES, DANCING! TOMORROW NIGHT GOING TO CELEBRATE THE AWESOMENESS OF BEING SINGLE WITH MY NEWLY SINGLE HOMIE! AND TO END MY WEEKEND, DINNER AND DRINKS WITH MY #1 BESTIE!!! AY QUE VIDA SABROSA! DIME SI PUEDES, QUIEN ESTA MAS FELIZ QUE YO? LOL...YEA THERE'S ALWAYS SOME BAD, BUT IF YOU CAN'T TAKE IT FOR WHAT IT IS...JUST ANOTHER TEST OF YOUR OVERRALL SELF...THAN YOU WILL NEVER FULLY APPRECIATE THE GOOD! SO I'M LIVING MY FREAKIN LIFE TO THE FULLEST! AS SHOULD YOU ALL!

AS ALWAYS MY LIL RAYS OF SUNSHINE..

BESOS Y ABRAZOS ~JANE~

OK, WHAT AM I WAITING FOR???

I KNOW I TALKED A WHOLE LOT OF SHIT ABOUT HOW MUCH IT SUCKED TO BE ON A DAMN SEX DIET...SO CAN SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHY I'M DOING IT TO MYSELF ALL OVER AGAIN??? I UNDERSTAND THE NEED FOR SELECTIVENESS...BUT COME THE FUCK ON! LOL. IT HAS NOW BEEN OVER A MONTH SINCE MY MOMENTOUS DE-VIRGINIZATION...WHY??? THERE ARE MOST DEFINITELY PLENTY OF PEOPLE OUT THERE MORE THAN WILLING TO HELP ME OUT! SO WHAT AM I WAITING FOR? I KNOW I'M PICKY, BUT LET'S FACE IT, I HAVEN'T ALWAYS MADE THE BEST DECISIONS IN THE PAST. I USUALLY ALLOW MY "WANT" FOR SOMEONE TO TAKE OVER MY SENSIBILITY. I AM A VERY PHYSICAL PERSON. SO I DON'T KNOW HOW THE HELL I'M EVEN HOLDING UP RIGHT NOW! AND IT'S NOT LIKE I HAVEN'T WANTED IT!!! I'M ACTUALLY BEASTIN FOR IT! LMFAO! WOW, I REALLY DO SHARE A BIT TOO MUCH INFORMATION ON THESE BLOGS! LOL...BUT GUESS WHAT? I FEEL BETTER ALREADY! AND WHO KNOWS, I MAY JUST GET IT IN TONIGHT!!! VAMOS A VER! ;-)

HASTA LA PROXIMA...

COMO SIEMPRE...

BESOS N HUGS,
~JANE~

NO WAY DUDE!!!

OK, IDK IF THIS SHIT JUST HAPPENS TO ME OR WHAT!!! I TRY TO BE NICE AND IT'S LIKE AN INVITATION TO STALK ME!!! ONE THING I MUST STRESS, I AM A VERY OUTGOING PERSON...LAIDBACK...DO NOT LIKE DRAMA (ALTHOUGH IT SEEMS I AM CONSTANTLY IN SOME TYPE OF DRAMA LOL) I HAVE BEEN "TALKING" TO THIS DUDE FOR A FEW MONTHS NOW, I MAY HAVE MENTIONED HIM PREVIOUSLY (COOL DUDE, DON'T HAVE THE URGE TO JUMP HIS BONES)...ANYWHOOOO, HE HAS BEEN QUITE PERSISTENT, EVENTHOUGH I HAVE ONLY SEEN HIM TWICE IN PERSON! I BARELY GIVE HIM THE TIME OF DAY! YET, HE FEELS IT'S OK TO COMPLAIN TO ME ABOUT OUR LACK OF "QUALITY TIME" TOGETHER! IF I'M NOT GIVING YOU THE TIME...WHY WOULD YOU THINK AFTER ALL THESE MONTHS I'D START NOW??? LATELY I HAVE BEEN MUCH MORE AGGRESSIVE WITH IT! BUT THAT DOES NOT SEEM TO BE WORKING!!! I CAN NOT POSSIBLY BE SO FREAKIN WONDERFUL THAT HE CAN'T JUST WALK AWAY AND CALL IT A DAY! IF I WERE HIM, I'D DROPKICK MY ASS AND KEEP IT MOVING!!! THAT'S HOW HONEST I'VE BEEN WITH HIM...SO IS IT TIME FOR A RESTRAINING ORDER OR WHAT? THE SAD PART IS, THIS IS SOOOOO NOT THE 1ST TIME IT'S HAPPENED TO ME!!! AND WHEN I SAY I CAN BE PRETTY EVIL...TRUST MY WORDS! LOL...I AM HARSH AND RUTHLESS WHEN IT COMES TO PUTTING THESE DUDES IN THEIR PLACE! SO WTF IS GOING ON???? IS IT SOMETHING IN THE WATER???? AY YI YIIIIIII KONYO! PERO QUE ES???? I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE...THE NEXT STEP IS VIOLENCE PEOPLE! LOL

A DAY IN THE LIFE...

I AM ALWAYS THANKFUL FOR THE BLESSINGS IN MY LIFE...AND TODAY IS NO DIFFERENT! I HAD AN AWESOME DAY OFF WITH TWO OF MY BESTEST FRIENDS...YES I SAID BESTEST! LOL...HUNG OUT WITH MY OLDER SON...AND JUST ENJOYED THE BEAUTIFUL DAY! IT WAS GORGEOUS IN THE BX TODAY!!! EVEN SAT OUTSIDE WITH MY BESTIES AND HAD A VANILLA ICE CREAM WITH SPRINKLES ON A CONE FROM THE MISTER SOFTEE TRUCK! GREAT! LOL...PLAYED WITH MY HOMIES BEAUTIFUL BABY GIRL...AND JUST GOSSIPED AND ATE TOO MUCH OF SOME TERRIFIC HOMECOOKED PUERTO RICAN FOOD WITH A COUPLE ICE COLD BEERS....LIKE I SAID, AWESOMELY BLESSED DAY!!! NOW I'M OFF TO BED AND JUST PRAY FOR MORE DAYS LIKE THIS ONE...NITE NITE LUVS!

HASTA LA PROXIMA...

~JANE~

FROM ONE DAY TO THE NEXT...

I CAN NOT BELIEVE HOW DRASTICALLY ONE'S LIFE CAN BE CHANGED IN THE COURSE OF 24 HOURS!!! SEEMS I'M A VICTIM OF FORGETTING TO EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED! I AM A STRONG LADY! I KNOW I CAN GET THROUGH ANYTHING THE POWERS THAT BE THROW IN MY PATH....BUT AT THE MOMENT, I HAVE TO ADMIT, I FEEL MISERABLY DEFEATED! I WAS SO UNPREPARED FOR THE NEWS I RECEIVED TODAY...NO IT'S NOT EARTH SHATTERING, IT'S MOST DEFINITELY NOT THE END OF THE WORLD...BUT IT SURE AS HELL IS ONE MAJOR SPEED BUMP IN MY LIFE'S HIGHWAY!!!! JUST WHEN MY JOURNEY WAS GOING SO WELL. BUT AS I'VE SAID IN THE PAST...JUST WHEN SHIT STARTS TO GET TOO GOOD...IT FUCKING RAINS PISS!!! AND THINGS HAVE BEEN GOING SO AWESOMELY I SHOULD HAVE EXPECTED BAD NEWS...SO Y THE FUCK DIDN'T I???? AYYYY WELL, THERE IS NO USE IN DWELLING ON THE BS! IT SERVES NO PURPOSE! BUT DEAR LORD TELL ME HOW THE HELL AM I GOING 2 GET MYSELF BACK ON TRACK?!?!? WITH ALL I'VE BEEN THROUGH I THOUGHT I WAS OVER THE DRAMA AND THE BS...I GUESS I SHOULD JUST BE THANKFUL FOR HAVING HAD A COUPLE GREAT MONTHS THROWN INTO MY LIFE FOR GOOD MEASURE, HUH? AS THE SAYING GOES...IT IS WHAT IT IS! I ONLY PRAY FOR THE STRENGTH TO ENDURE YET ANOTHER SETBACK...

ANYWHO...THANKS FOR TAKING THE TIME TO READ THIS...

~JANE~

LIVING LA VIDA MIA!

I AM LOVING THIS MID WEEK THING! LOL. HANGIN OUT W/ THE GIRLS N ENJOYING MYSELF W/ GOOD MUSIC N A COUPLE OF SOOTHING DRINKS...LOL...WHEN I STOP 2 THINK THAT NOT EVERYBODY HAS THE OPPORTUNITY 2 JUST GET UP N GO WHENEVER THEY WANT, WELL I FEEL AWESOMELY BLESSED! I HAVE A PRETTY GOOD LIFE. YAY ME! LMAO. NOW ALL I NEED IS 2 ADD A BIT MORE SEX 2 THIS LIFE N IT WILL B COMPLETE! LOL. SEX GOOD...LIKE CHICKEN! LMFAO!!!! ANYWHOOO, GBO KILLED IT AS USUAL...THE GIRLS N I CUT ASS ALL NITE...AS USUAL LOL...NOW I'M HOME RELAXING 2 THE OH SO LOVELY SOUNDS OF COD...YUP, BUGZ IS ON THE 360 TALKIN MAD SHIT! LOL. AND ME? I AM ABOUT 2 HIT THE BED CUZ I JUST DOWNED LIKE HALF A BOTTLE OF NYQUIL...YES, I'M STILL SICKY POO BUT I HAD 2 GET OUT 2NITE! GLAD I DID CUZ I HAD A GREAT TIME! NITE NITE LUV'S!!!!

COMO SIEMPRE...

***BESITOS Y ABRAZOS***
~JANE~

WTF???

OK SO I'M STILL VERY BOTHERED BY AN ARGUMENT I HAD LAST NIGHT WITH MY EX...IT WASN'T ABOUT "US", IT WAS ABOUT MY SON. LONG STORY....I HATE TO ARGUE WITH HER. IT REALLY DOES HURT ME TO HURT HER. HOWEVER, I HAVE CERTAIN RULES WHEN MY SON IS IN HER CARE. SHE DISREGARDED THEM AND I WENT OFF. I FEEL BAD FOR YELLING AT HER BUT I WILL NOT BACK DOWN WHEN IT COMES TO MY KID! EVER! AYYYYY I'M STILL ANNOYED!!! NEVERMIND, I WILL WRITE ABOUT THIS WHEN I'M NOT SO UPSET...AND NO, IT WASN'T A BIG DEAL...OR ANYTHING THAT ENDANGERED HIM...IT'S JUST A SIMPLE REQUEST I HAD THAT WAS IGNORED. THIS WILL HAVE TO BE CONTINUED AT A LATER TIME....

THE STREAK HAS ENDED....

YES MY LITTLE BUNNY RABBITS...THE STREAK IS INDEED OVER! FRIDAY NIGHT, OR SHOULD I SAY, VERY EARLY SATURDAY MORNING?! "MR. SMITH" TOOK CARE OF BUSINESS!!!! AND OH MY JESUS....DID HE TAKE CARE OF BUSINESS!!! I AM SO GLAD THAT IT WAS, BASICALLY, AWESOME! CUZ IF I HAD WAITED THAT LONG FOR SOME WACK ASS BUNZ....I'D BE ONE PISSED OFF LATINA RIGHT NOW!!! LOL. THE KITTY KAT IS PURRING....LMAO. ACTUALLY, THE KITTY KAT IS SORE AS HELL!!! GUESS THE POOR THING WAS OUTTA THE GAME TOO LONG! LOL. BUT I AM RECOVERING NICELY...AND CAN NOT WAIT FOR ROUND 2!!! AFTER 6 MONTHS AND 10 DAYS...YES I COUNTED THE DAYS TOO!!!! I'M SURPRISED I CAN WALK AT ALL! BESIDES THAT, LOL....I HAD A PRETTY EVENTFUL WEEK....FINALLY WENT TO SEE G-BO AT CAMARADAS...WHICH JUST SO HAPPENS TO BE LOCATED DOWN THE BLOCK FROM WHERE I WAS BORN!!! SPANISH HARLEM BABY!!! LOL. HAD AN AWESOME TIME WITH OLD FRIENDS. WENT OUT TO DINNER WITH MY BESTIES!!! HAD SEX...OH WAIT...I ALREADY MENTONED THAT DIDN'T I? LMAO....I'M STILL IN SHOCK I SUPPOSE! I WAS AS NERVOUS AS A REAL FUCKING VIRGIN! NOT JUST A BORN AGAIN! LOL....OH AND APPARENTLY I AM NOW THE TALK OF THE "WATER COOLER" SET....LMFAO! GUESS IT HAPPENS WHEN YOU SHOW UP TO WORK A LITTLE....HMMM HOW SHALL I PUT THIS....BEAT UP! LMMFAO! YEA, US LIGHT SKINNED GIRLS HAVE TO BE A TAD MORE CONSCIOUS OF HOW EASILY WE BRUISE.....SO LESS "BITE ME HARDER"S NEXT TIME...LOL. ANYWAY, ENDING MY WEEK WITH SOME LAUNDRY...LUCKY ME...

AS ALWAYS MY BABYLUV'S....

***BESOS***

~JANE~

{AFTERTHOUGHT}

YES THIS IS THE SAME "MR SMITH" THAT I HAVE MENTIONED PREVIOUSLY...THE ONE WITH THE UNFORTUNATE...EXTRA BAGGAGE...GUESS I BEEN A VERY NAUGHTY GIRL....BUT PLEASE, ASK ME IF I CARE!!!! YUP, THE ANSWER TO THAT IS HELLLLLLLLLLLLLL NOOOOOOOOOOOO! CUZ HE'S GROWN AND I PUT NO LOADED GUN TO HIS HEAD! I DID NOT INITIATE OR INSTIGATE ANY OF THE FLIRTING THAT LED TO THIS...SO I DON'T FEEL BAD...SORRY...NITE NITE, LUV LUV! LOL

CRAZY WEEKEND....

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO EVERYONE.....THIS WEEKEND ROCKED! HAD A BLAST AT MY BESTIE'S "WELCOME BACK" GET TOGETHER!!! YUP, SHE WAS GONE A WHOLE WEEK....THAT'S JUST HOW WE DO!!! LOL. GOD FORBID SHE WERE GONE LONGER...WE'D HAVE TO RENT A HALL OR SOME SHIT LMAO! LOTS OF DANCING AND MOST DEFINITELY, LOTS OF DRINKING! DON'T FRET MY PETS, I BEHAVED MYSELF! IT WAS A MUCH NEEDED NIGHT OF LIQUOR AND MUSIC AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, FRIENDS! THEN, STILL HALF OUT OF IT...I SPENT THE FOLLOWING DAY WITH MY FAMILY. IT WAS MY SON'S 15TH BIRTHDAY!!! MY BABY IS A MAN! *SNIFFLE SNIFFLE*.....WE HAD A GREAT TIME. WENT SHOPPING AND OUT TO EAT. EVEN MY MOM CAME ALONG WHICH WAS AWESOME CUZ I HARDLY EVER SEE HER ANYMORE. I LOVE MY MOMMY SOOOOOOO MUCH!!! THEN TODAY, I WAS OFF FROM WORK, AND SPENT IT YET AGAIN WITH MY 2 BOYS AND BEAUTIFUL EX GIRLFRIEND. WE SPENT THE DAY SHOPPING!!! I LOVE THE MALL!!!!!! GOT HOME NEAR MIDNIGHT AND SETTLED IN...FEELING QUITE COZY RIGHT NOW. LIFE IS GOOD! MY WEEK IS PRETTY FULL, SO EXPECT MORE UPDATES....LOL.

AS ALWAYS....

TIL NEXT TIME...

~JANE~

AY DIOS MIO...

MY BFF IS COMING HOME FROM HER TRIP TO MIAMI TOMORROW...SUFFICE IT TO SAY THAT WE ARE SOOOO GOING TO GET IT IN!!! LOL. THE USUAL SUSPECTS WILL BE IN ATTENDANCE! I CAN'T WAIT! I HAVE A MINOR PROBLEM THOUGH, DON'T KNOW WHICH OF MY "FRIENDS" TO INVITE. LOL. IT'S NOT LIKE I HAVE A READY SUPPLY OF PAPI CHULOS OR MAMI CHULAS HANGING AROUND, BUT I DO HAVE A COUPLE PEOPLE ON THE BACKBURNER. AS YOU ALL KNOW BY NOW. I CAN INVITE "MR. SMITH", WHO IS STILL ONE SEXY ASS MOFO TO ME! I CAN INVITE THE OLD STANDBY, BUT LET'S FACE IT, I GIVE THIS ONE AN INCH AND HE TRIES TO TAKE A FOOT OR TWO!!! AND THEN THERE'S MY YUMMY BABY "Z"...BUT I DOUBT HE'LL DRIVE ALL THE WAY FROM THE BOONIES JUST FOR SOME GET TOGETHER! WHICH SUCKS SWEATY BALLS! CUZ HE IS BY FAR, MY MOST APPEALING CHOICE! YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M GOING FREAKIN SOLO! MIGHT MEET SOMEONE NEW ANYWAYS! LOL....AY QUE ESCANDOLO SENORAS Y SENORES! *WINK WINK* DAMN, BEING SINGLE NEVER FELT SO GOOD!!! WELL....EXCEPT IN THAT ONE DEPARTMENT I'VE BEEN SEVERELY LACKING IN....NOT SO GOOD WHEN IT COMES TO THAT! BUT LET'S FACE IT, I DON'T HAVE TO HAVE A SIGNIFICANT OTHER TO FIX THAT PROBLEM,LOL...SO HERE'S TO ONE HELL OF A SATURDAY NIGHT! I SHALL BRING YOU ALL JUICY GOSSIP FROM THE NIGHT'S EVENTS...CUZ TRUST ME, IT'S ALWAYS SOMETHING AT CASA E'S!!! LMAO...

HASTA LA PROXIMA...

BESOS Y ABRAZOS AMORES...

~JANE~

MY NEW ADDICTION...

SO I'M TOTALLY ADDICTED 2 TWITTER RIGHT NOW! A FRIEND OF MINE MENTIONED IT TO ME A COUPLE WEEKS BACK SO I DECIDED TO CHECK IT OUT. NEVER THINKING FOR ONE SECOND THAT I WOULD GO ON AFTER MY FIRST TIME VISIT CUZ IT SEEMED SO...CORNY! LOL...WELL FOLKS, I WAS WRONG! I FIND MYSELF WANTING TO CONSTANTLY UPDATE PEOPLE ON "WHAT I'M DOING" LOL. IT SEEMED SUCH A SILLY CONCEPT, BUT HERE I AM GOING BACK N FORTH FROM ONE SITE TO TWITTER TO ANOTHER SITE TO TWITTER...CAN'T HELP MYSELF! IF YOU'VE NEVER CHECKED IT OUT, I SAY GO GIVE IT A LOOK SEE. I'D LIKE TO BELIEVE I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE SO EASILY SEDUCED BY TWITTER! LMAO. BETWEEN THIS, MYSPACE, FACEBOOK N TWITTER...OH AND LET'S NOT FORGET AIM AND BLACKBERRY MESSENGER...IT SEEMS MY HANDS ARE MORE THAN FULL, THEY'RE OVERFLOWING LOL. F*CKIN INTERNET!!!! I HAVE BECOME YET ANOTHER VICTIM TO THE WWW! KONYO! WELL, AT LEAST IT TAKES MY MIND OFF OF NOT GETTING ANY! LMFAO!!! YEA RIGHT!

TIL NEXT TIME MY BABYLUV'S....

***BESOS***

~JANE~

OH EM FREAKIN GEE.....

I HAVE BEEN ONE EXCITED LITTLE MONKEY ALL DAY!!! A BLAST FROM THE PAST WALKED BACK INTO MY LIFE AND THE BUTTERFLIES I THOUGHT HAD DIED IN MY TUMMY SO LONG AGO, HAVE RETURNED TO REJOICE IN THE SPLENDOR OF SPRING!!!! LOL...2 YEARS IS A LONG TIME TO WAIT FOR THE POTENTIAL LOVE OF YOUR LIFE!!! I'VE BEEN ALL SMILES AND SHOULDER SHRUGS THROUGHTOUT MY DAY. I HAD NO IDEA THIS MAN STILL HAD SUCH AN AFFECT ON ME. BUT AT 34 YEARS OLD, I'M THRILLED TO SAY, I HAVE REGAINED MY "CRUSHING" SKILLS! CUZ JANE IS MOST DEFINITELY CRUSHING ON HER LIL Z! LOL. THEN, TO TOP OFF AN ALREADY AWESOME DAY....I GET GREAT NEWS FROM MY SON'S FATHER (THE DREADED EX HUSBAND)....HE'S DROPPING A RIDICULOUS CUSTODY CASE HE HAD AGAINST ME! APOLOGIZED FOR BEING A MAJOR DICK! AND ALL IS WELL WITH THE WORLD AGAIN! YEA, I'M STILL A RE-VIRGIN, BUT WHO GIVES A FUCK?! NOT I! LMAO. HOWEVER, I ALWAYS FEEL THAT TOO MUCH GOOD MUST BE BALANCED OUT BY SOME BAD SHIT HAPPENING...SO I'M EXPECTING IT TO RAIN DOG PISS SOON...HEY IT IS WHAT IT IS! THANK YOU FOR ALLOWING ME TO BE A COMPLETE DORK AND READING MY CORNY BS! LOL....

AS ALWAYS...

TIL NEXT TIME...


***MUCH LOVE HUGS N KISSES***

~JANE~

IT'S BEEN A ROUGH ROAD...

SO....TODAY MARKS MY 6 MONTH ANNIVERSARY....YES PEOPLE, NO SEX FOR 6 MONTHS NOW....I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO APPLAUD MY RESILIENCE OR WEEP FOR MY SEX DEPRIVED BODY! LOL. I WON'T LIE, I FEEL A SENSE OF ACCOMPLISHMENT WITH THIS NOT SO EASY FEAT! FOR THOSE OF YOU PAYING ATTENTION, I HAD INTENDED ON POSSIBLY LOSING MY NEWFOUND VIRGINITY THIS SATURDAY THAT JUST PASSED....HOWEVER, IT SEEMS THE POWERS THAT BE SAW FIT TO DENY ME THAT MOMENTOUS OCCASION! LMAO. LET'S JUST SAY, MY PLANS FELL THROUGH. NOW DON'T GET ME WRONG, WE HAVE NOT GIVEN UP! WE JUST HAVE TO FIGURE OUT A BETTER WAY TO MEET UP. YOU SEE I HAVE CHILDREN...BOYS AT THAT. I WILL NOT DISRESPECT THEM BY BRINGING JUST ANY MAN TO MY HOUSE! NO MATTER HOW DAMN SEXY AND DESIRABLE THEY ARE TO ME! LOL. THANKFULLY HE RESPECTS THAT. HE DIDN'T EVEN BITCH WHEN I SAID I HAD TO CANCEL! HE WAS SO UNDERSTANDING IT MADE ME WANT HIM MORE! LMAO. WOOOOOOSAAAAAAA.....OK, I'M BETTER.....LOL. WELL, ANYWHOOOO, I HAVE NOT GIVEN UP ON HIM OR MY PLANS TO RE-POP MY CHERRY! SO STAY TUNED VIEWERS! YOU WILL BE HEARING GOOD NEWS FROM ME SOON! I HOPE...LOL

AS ALWAYS...

TIL NEXT TIME...

***BESOS***

~JANE~

IT'S ALMOST OVER...

MY SELF IMPOSED STATE OF "VIRGINITY" IS ALMOST OVER!!! LMAO. IN JUST UNDER A WEEK I WILL HAVE REGAINED MY "VIRGINAL" STATUS! YES, 4 ME, SIX MONTHS IS MORE THAN ENOUGH TIME TO SAY I HAVE BEEN RE-VIRGINIZED! FUCK WHAT YA HEARD! LOL. BELIEVE ME, THERE HAVE BEEN MORE THAN JUST A COUPLE DUDES TRYING TO END MY NO-SEX STREAK...BUT THEY HAVE ALL FAILED! MWA HA HA!!!! HERE'S THE GLITCH THOUGH, I MAY NOT MAKE IT TIL THE 24TH...MY 6 MONTH ANNIVERSARY...DUE TO THE FACT THAT I SOOOOOOO WANT "MR SMITH"!!!! AND NOW WE HAVE OFFICIALLY MADE PLANS TO MEET UP ON SATURDAY...NOT THE 24TH! LOL...YES, IT WOULD BE NICE TO REACH MY OWN LITTLE MILESTONE, HOWEVER IT WILL BE MUCH NICER TO JUST GIVE IN TO THIS TEMPTATION! HE IS SOOOOO HOT! I DO NOT KNOW YET WHAT I WILL DO. WILL I CAVE AND BE THE WHORE I TRULY WANT TO BE...OR WILL I HIT MY GOAL? STAY TUNED FOLKS...WE SHALL LEARN THE ANSWER TO THESE AND OTHER QUESTIONS IN JUST A FEW SHORT DAYS! WISH ME LUCK! LOL

HASTA LA PROXIMA.....

MUCH LOVE HUGS N KISSES....

~JANe~

COPY N PASTE OF THE DAY...

LIFE IS GOOD MY BABIES...

EVERYTHING HAPPENS 4 A REASON...I BELIEVE THIS NOW MORE THAN EVER! I HAVE MADE SOME PRETTY LAME ASS MISTAKES IN THE PAST...BUT I HAVE LEARNED SO MUCH FROM EACH N EVERY ONE. I HAVE LEARNED MORE ABOUT MYSELF N WHAT I CAN WITHSTAND THAN I THOUGHT POSSIBLE. PEOPLE WASTE LIFETIMES REACHING 4 SELF REALIZATION...BUT I KNOW WHO I AM, WHAT I WANT, HOW 2 GET IT N MOST IMPORTANTLY...HOW 2 LET GO! LET GO OF THE BS, THE DRAMA, THOSE THAT SEEK 2 BRING U DOWN 2 THEIR LEVEL AND JUST BE ME N BE PRETTY FUCKING HAPPY ABOUT BEING ME! YEA I'VE STOOPED WELL BELOW MY COMFORT LEVEL RECENTLY...BUT BY DOING SO I KNOW JUST HOW HIGH I CAN REACH ALL ON MY OWN. I DON'T NEED NOR HAVE I EVER NEEDED ANY1 2 COMPLETE ME AS A PERSON. THAT WAS 1 OF THE MISTAKES I LEARNED FROM. I HELD ON 2 THIS STUPID SENSE OF "PARTNERSHIP" THAT DIDN'T EXIST. AND 2 B QUITE HONEST, WAS UNNECESSARY! I FELL IN2 THE LOVE N SUPPORT OF SOME1 ELSE CUZ I THOUGHT I COULD NOT MAKE IT ON MY OWN. BEING SO USED 2 ALWAYS HAVING HAD SOME1 BY MY SIDE. WHICH NEARLY CAUSED ME 2 STUMBLE N FALL...THE PAIN OF YET ANOTHER LOSS SO GREAT N SO SOON AFTER THE 1ST WAS UNBEARABLE...OR SO I THOUGHT. CUZ IN THE END, I'M STILL STANDING! I'M STRONGER THAN I EVER WAS. HAPPIER THAN I'VE BEEN IN A LONG TIME AND EXTREMELY PROUD OF THE WOMAN N MOTHER I HAVE BECOME. I WISH I COULD SAY I AM LIVING W/O REGRET, BUT I CAN NOT. MY TURNAROUND WAS MADE POSSIBLE BECAUSE OF A DECISION I DID NOT MAKE ON MY OWN, BUT 1 THAT I ALLOWED SOME1 ELSE 2 MAKE 4 ME...I DO NOT REGRET WHAT I DID, HOWEVER I AM ASHAMED THAT I WOULD ALLOW MYSELF 2 B SO EASILY INFLUENCED. AS I STATED AT THE START OF THIS, I KNOW EVERYTHING HAPPENS 4 A REASON. IT WAS NOT MEANT 2 BE, SO I HAVE LEARNED 2 ACCEPT THAT. I DO, OF COURSE, HAVE MY MOMENTS WHERE I THINK OF THE "WHAT IF'S"...BUT THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS WHAT IF! WHAT'S DONE IS DONE N IT'S WHERE IT BELONGS...IN THE PAST. IT'S FUNNY CUZ THIS BLOG WAS MEANT 4 MYSPACE...BUT I HAVE 2 MANY STALKERS 2 LET THEM GET THIS MUCH OF A GLIMPSE IN2 THE REAL ME...SO I WILL COPY N PASTE N BRING IT 2 BLOGSPOT! LOL...

AS ALWAYS MY BABYLUVS...

TIL NEXT TIME...
~HUGS LOVE N KISSES~

JANe......

DO'S 'N' DON'TS....

YOU WOULD THINK, WITH ALL I WENT THROUGH, THAT I WOULD HAVE LEARNED MY LESSON WHEN IT COMES TO...HOW SHALL I SAY?...TAKING "NAUGHTY" PICS...WELL, GUESS NOT PEOPLE! LOL. OF COURSE, THE NEWEST PICS ARE JUST OF MYSELF. NOT LIKE, WELL....AY YI YI....ANYWHOOOOO...YEA, SO, MY "FRIEND" KEEPS ASKING ME FOR SOME RATHER CANDID SHOTS AND I CAN'T HELP BUT OBLIGE! HE'S BEEN VERY GENEROUS WITH SENDING ME SOME PRETTY CANDID SHOTS OF HIMSELF, LOL. THE THING IS THIS, HOW DO I KNOW THAT THESE PHOTOS WON'T END UP SOMEWHERE THEY SHOULDN'T BE? I DON'T!!! SO WHY DO I CONTINUE TO ENTERTAIN THIS LITTLE EXHIBITIONIST DYING TO BREAK FREE FROM WITHIN ME? LOL. AGAIN, I DON'T KNOW. ALL I CAN SAY TO THAT IS, I LIKE THE ATTENTION! I LIKE HIM! SO I GUESS WE DON'T ALL LEARN FROM OUR MISTAKES!!! SO IF AND WHEN YOU SEE MY (PRETTY DAMN HOT) BOOBS ON MYSPACE OR YOUTUBE OR EVEN FACEBOOK...LMAO...YOU CAN ALL SAY "I TOLD YOU SO"!!!!

WELL TIL NEXT TIME....

***BESOS***

~JANE~

BACK ON THE "ME" TRAIN...

IT'S LATE AND I CAN'T SLEEP! I'M ACTUALLY NOT EVEN A LITTLE BIT TIRED! HAD A GREAT NIGHT OUT WITH ONE OF MY HOMIES. CAUGHT UP WITH ALL THE GOSSIP N ALL THAT. IN DOING SO, CATCHING UP THAT IS, I STARTED REALIZING JUST HOW MUCH SHIT I'VE BEEN THROUGH IN THE LAST 6 MONTHS! HOW I'M NOT LOCKED UP IN SOME LOONY BIN BY NOW IS BEYOND ME!!! WORST STILL IS THAT IT'S MORE LIKE THE LAST YEAR! FIRST, I WENT THROUGH A VERY BAD BREAK UP. THEN I STARTED HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH MY FORMER BEST FRIEND...WHO HAPPENS TO HAVE A LIVE IN GIRLFRIEND (WITH WHOM HE HAS A CHILD). WAS THEN CAUGHT BY THIS SAME GIRLFRIEND (VIA INCRIMINATING PHOTOS)...NOT A FUN TIME PEOPLE! BEGAN DATING A COWORKER. WHO WAS GREAT. EXCEPT HE WASN'T MY BEST FRIEND...SO SUFFICE IT TO SAY, IT ENDED BADLY. HAVE PARTAKEN IN A RIDICULOUS WAR OF WORDS WITH MY EX GIRLFRIEND'S CURRENT HONEY...WELL, EX HONEY NOW...AND CURRENTLY DEALING WITH THE WHOLE "ATTRACTION" SITUATION (SEE "ATTRACTION" BLOG). I DON'T EVEN WANT TO ASK "WHAT'S NEXT?" I'M AFRAID I MAY FIND OUT!!! TO TOP IT ALL OFF, I HAVE BEEN PRACTICING CELIBACY FOR THE LAST 5 MONTHS...AGAINST MY DAMN WILL!!! LMAO! BUT BELIEVE ME, THE LIST OF PEOPLE TRYING TO END MY "NO SEX" STREAK IS BECOMING QUITE LARGE! WHICH IS JUST MAKING IT EASIER FOR ME TO SAY NO! IT'S A FUNNY PATH LIFE TAKES US ON SOMETIMES. WHEN I WAS WITH MY GIRLFRIEND, WE WERE CHEATING ON EACH OTHER. WHEN I WAS THE "OTHER WOMAN", I WAS ONLY WITH HIM. AND NOW THAT I'M SINGLE, AND HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO BE WHORING IT UP...I'M ABSTINENT!!! I AM SO FREAKIN BACKWARDS IT'S CRAZY!!! LOL...IT'S FUNNY THOUGH, HOW I DON'T REGRET ONE SINGLE MOMENT OF ANY OF THE BS I'VE BEEN THROUGH. EVERYTHING I'VE DONE AND AM NOT DOING, IS MAKING ME MORE AWARE OF WHO I AM AS A PERSON. AND FOR THE FIRST TIME, IN A LONG TIME, I'M OK WITH WHERE MY LIFE IS GOING. I'M STRONGER AND WISER THAN EVER. SO I THANK ALL OF THE PEOPLE THAT HELPED ME FIND MY WAY BACK TO ME...CHEESY? YES, I KNOW...BUT TRUE...

TIL NEXT TIME...
***BESOS***
~JANE~

OH WOE IS ME...

RATHER THAN CURSE SOMEONE OUT, I CHOSE TO VENT HERE REALLY QUICKLY...WHY DO I LET MY EX GET TO ME??? SHE'S SOOOO FREAKING CLUELESS! BUT I ALLOW HER TO ANNOY THE SHIT OUT OF ME! (FOR THOSE THAT HAVEN'T PICKED UP ON IT, YES, I AM BISEXUAL) DON'T GET ME WRONG, I LOVE HER TO BITS N PIECES. WE ARE NOT JUST FRIENDS BUT ALSO FAMILY. I FEEL I HAVE BEEN A VERY GOOD FRIEND TO HER CONSIDERING THE CIRCUMSTANCES OF OUR BREAK UP AND OUR CONSEQUENT BATTLES TO SEE WHICH ONE OF US COULD HURT THE OTHER MORE. WHAT PISSES ME OFF MOST ABOUT OUR "FRIENDSHIP" IS THAT, FOR HER PART, IT'S A CONDITIONAL FRIENDSHIP! SHE ONLY CALLS ME WHEN IT'S CONVENIENT FOR HER. OR WHEN SHE NEEDS SOMETHING. BELIEVE ME I DO NOT MIND MOST OF THE TIME. LET'S FACE IT, I WAS WITH HER FOR ALMOST 4 YEARS, I KNOW PRECISELY THE TYPE OF PERSON SHE IS. HOWEVER, EVERY NOW AND THEN IT HITS ME HOW SELFISH SHE IS. LIKE NOW, LOL....DONE VENTING! OFF TO HANG OUT WITH MY HOMIE!

TIL NEXT TIME...
***BESOS***
~JANE~

ATTRACTION...

WHY DO WE ALWAYS WANT WHAT WE CAN'T HAVE??? OK, SO MAYBE WE CAN HAVE IT, BUT IT WOULD BE WRONG TO ACTIVELY SEEK IT OUT! LOL. WHY ISN'T A CUTE, SWEET, FUNNY, SOMEWHAT INTELLIGENT AND A TOUCH PERVERTED (JUST HOW I LIKE'M LOL) PERSON ENOUGH? WHY IS THE ONE THAT HAS A SIGNIFICANT OTHER JUST SO MUCH MORE APPEALING? SO MUCH MORE SEXY....AYYYYYY OK, HERE'S THE DEAL....SUITOR #1, AWESOME! BUT I HAVE NO PHYSICAL ATTRACTION TO HIM! I DON'T WANT TO...FOR LACK OF A BETTER PHRASE...JUMP HIS BONES! SUITOR #2, ALSO AWESOME! HOWEVER, HE IS TAKEN! HE DOESN'T SEEM TO MIND THAT MINOR GLITCH THO!!! & I DO WANT TO "HOP ON THAT" LIKE YOU HAVE NO IDEA!!! I'VE NEVER BEEN TOO GOOD WITH THE ROLE OF "THE OTHER WOMAN"...AS ALWAYS, I'D LIKE TO SAY I'VE NEVER PLAYED THAT ROLE BEFORE...BUT THAT WOULD BE A LIE. SOMETIMES YOU CAN NOT HELP WHO YOU FALL FOR. IT IS A TWO WAY STREET, SO THE FAULT WAS NOT ALL MY OWN. SHIT HAPPENS! WITH THAT SAID, I DON'T WANT TO GO THAT ROUTE AGAIN. & IT REALLY SUCKS TRYING TO BE THE BETTER PERSON!!! WORST PART OF THIS IS THAT I WOULD DROP ALL MY WOULD BE SUITORS FOR THE ONE PERSON I SHOULD HAVE NEVER DEALT WITH IN THE 1ST PLACE!!! MY "OTHER WOMAN" SITUATION! YEA, I'M A HOT MESS! BUT I AM AN HONEST ONE. OK, I FEEL A LITTLE BETTER NOW...GUESS I JUST NEEDED TO GET THIS OFF OF MY CHEST. WISH ME LUCK PEOPLE. HOPE I MAKE THE RIGHT DECISION...OR HOPE I CAN DEAL WITH THE CONSEQUENCES OF THE NOT SO RIGHT DECISION.....LMAO

TIL NEXT TIME...
***BESOS***
~JANE~

JUST BECAUSE...

IT'S FUNNY HOW SOMETIMES YOU ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE DRAGGED INTO A SITUATION YOU DON'T WANT ANY PART IN. RECENTLY I'VE INDULGED IN A MINOR WAR OF WORDS ON ANOTHER SITE (WHICH I WONT MENTION BY NAME). I WOULD LIKE TO SAY THAT IT'S NOT PART OF MY USUAL NATURE TO ENTERTAIN THE BS OF OTHERS...BUT I'D BE LYING,LOL. FACT IS, I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN THE ONE THAT HAS TO HAVE THE LAST LAUGH. MOST IMPORTANTLY, I HAVE ALWAYS HAD TO HAVE THE LAST WORD! AT TIMES, I KNOW I HAVE LOWERED MY MATURITY LEVEL TO "FIGHT BACK" AGAINST THE IGNORANCE OF OTHERS...BUT I DON'T CARE! LOL. IT'S FUN! I KNOW THAT IT'S JUST "WORDS". HOWEVER, I ALSO KNOW HOW MUCH THE TRUTH CAN HURT. I USE THE TRUTH TO MY ADVANTAGE. I LOVE TO WRITE. IT'S THERAPEUTIC, CALMING AND IS PROBABLY THE MAIN REASON I AM NOT INCARCERATED RIGHT NOW! LMAO. THROUGH AN ACQUAINTANCE, I LEARNED ABOUT THIS SITE & DECIDED I SHOULD TRY MY HAND AT NORMAL BLOGGING...NOT THE KIND MEANT PURELY FOR INFLICTING DAMAGE, LOL. I'VE SCORED ENOUGH POINTS ON THAT TYPE OF BLOGGING ALREADY. IT SEEMS AT TIMES THAT MY MIND IS RUNNING RAMPANT WITH IDEAS & JUST THOUGHT AFTER THOUGHT OF THIS , THAT N THE THIRD. SO I WARN ANYONE READING THIS...I SPEAK MY MIND, DON'T PULL ANY PUNCHES...IF YOU'RE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH STRAIGHTFOWARDNESS, THEN I WILL MOST LIKELY OFFEND YOU...I APOLOGIZE IN ADVANCE, FOR NOTHING!!! I AM WHO I AM & WILL CHANGE THAT FOR NOONE...

TIL THE NEXT TIME...
***BESOS***
~JANE~