BLAME IT ON ME, NOT THE ALCOHOL!!!

UMMM YEA, OK, SOOOO...I DID THE DIRTY DEED...ABOUT FREAKIN TIME!!! LOL. IT WENT WELL...LOL. I WAS VERY NERVOUS AT FIRST BEING THAT IT WAS SOMEONE I'VE KNOWN FOR A WHILE AND HAD NEVER SEEN IN THAT...LIGHT, SO TO SPEAK. YEA, I WONT LIE, I HAD A BIT OF A CRUSH ON DUDE FOR A WHILE. HE COULD MOST DEF GET IT...AND, WELL, HE DID! HA! I DON'T KNOW ABOUT HIM...BUT I KNOW I ENJOYED MYSELF VERY MUCH! LOL. I WOULD NOT MIND GOING DOWN THAT ROAD AGAIN...I'M A LITTLE BLACK AND BLUE AND A TOUCH SORE, BUT ALL WELL WORTH IT ........................... SORRY WAS HAVING A FLASHBACK LOL. ANYWHOOOO...

I HAVE TO ADMIT TO FEELING A LITTLE BIT BAD WHILE I WAS AT DUDES HOUSE...MIND YOU, NOTHING WOULD HAVE KEPT ME FROM GOING OVER...I WANTED HIM TO FUCK MY BRAINS OUT! LOL, HOWEVER, I HAD A FEW MISSED MESSAGES FROM THE GUY I LIKE. IN ONE, HE ASKED ME IF I WOULD BE FAITHFUL TO HIM WERE WE TO END UP TOGETHER...TALK ABOUT PERFECT TIMING! LMAO. BUT THE TRUTH IS, WHEN I'M WITH SOMEONE, I AM FAITHFUL. HOW I SEE IT IS, IF YOU REALLY FEEL THE NEED TO CHEAT SO BADLY, YOU SHOULD JUST BREAK UP WITH YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER. BECAUSE THAT JUST MEANS THAT YOU'RE NOT AS HAPPY WITH THAT PERSON AS YOU THINK YOU ARE. I KNOW FOR A FACT, THAT WHEN I'M IN LOVE...NO ONE ELSE EVEN EXISTS. I HAVE CHEATED, WONT DENY IT. BUT I CHEATED AFTER BEING CHEATED ON, ONLY AS A FORM OF (STUPIDITY) REVENGE. FOR BEING HURT BY SOMEONE I WAS WITH. I AM A SERIOUS FLIRT! I LOVE TO FLIRT! BUT I NEVER TAKE IT PAST THE FLIRTING STAGE. I'M WHAT SOME MIGHT CALL, A DICK TEASE...LMFAO. POINT IS, I DON'T CHEAT. AND I MUST SAY, THAT HIM ASKING ME IN THE FIRST PLACE, MADE ME HAPPY. WHICH LEADS ME TO BELIEVE, I DO LIKE HIM. I KNOW, HOW VERY HIGH SCHOOL OF ME! LOL. BUT I DO. SO NOW I'M WORRIED I MAY END UP FALLING FOR THIS GUY AND HE'S GOING TO LEAVE ME...YEA IT'S ONLY FOR 6 MONTHS, BUT STILL. UGH...I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M THINKING OR FEELING ANYMORE. I KNOW I'M NOT READY FOR A RELATIONSHIP. I PROVED THAT TO MYSELF HOW MANY TIMES ALREADY??? YET AND STILL, A PART OF ME WANTS TO BELIEVE I CAN BE IN A HAPPY, TRUSTING RELATIONSHIP AGAIN SOMEDAY SOON. I'M NOT GETTING ANY YOUNGER. NOT THAT I'M BY ANY MEANS OLD...I JUST DON'T WANT TO LOOK BACK AT MY LIFE ONE DAY AND REALIZE I HELD BACK FROM ANYTHING. THUS FAR, I DON'T BELIEVE I HAVE. ANYWAY, WE'LL SEE WHAT HAPPENS WITH MY "OFFICER"...

IT'S CRAZY, I HAVE THIS GUY I LIKE, A FRIEND I JUST HAD SEX WITH THE DAY BEFORE YESTERDAY, AND A COUPLE OF GUYS I FLIRT WITH HARDBODY...LOL...YET, I STILL HAVE THE NERVE TO SAY I'M BORED SOMETIMES! LMAO. EVEN CRAZIER IS THE FACT THAT WITH ALL OF THESE DUDES, I FINALLY HAD SEX AFTER 3 FREAKIN MONTHS! I AM A DAMN DICK TEASE! WOW. LOL. WELL, I'M OFF TO DO THE MOMMY THING...THE ONE THING THAT KEEPS ME SANE AND FOCUSED.

TIL THE NEXT TIME...

***BESITOS***
~JANE~

YAY 4 ME!!!

WOW, WHEN I SAY EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON...I'M NOT JUST BLOWIN SMOKE UP YA ASS!!! LATELY, I HAVE BEEN GOING THROUGH A SLUMP...YOU ALL KNOW WHAT I MEAN. LOL. YES, AS ALWAYS, IT'S SELF IMPOSED. OF COURSE, IT'S EASY TO GO OUT AND GET SOME...BUT WHY SETTLE FOR JUST ANYBODY? RIGHT? WELL, I HAVE BEEN HOLDING OUT BECAUSE I FEEL, THAT AT THIS POINT IN MY LIFE, I SHOULD ACCEPT NOTHING LESS THAN WHAT I DESERVE. I HAVE HAD MY EYE ON A COUPLE OF DUDES. ONE IN PARTICULAR IS DRIVING ME ABSO-FREAKIN-LUTELY INSANE! "TO PJ PARY OR NOT TO PJ PARTY?" AY YI YI...LOL...THE OTHER ONE IS JUST PLAYIN WIT IT! LOL. NOW...ALTHOUGH IT MAY SEEM I HAVE AN ENDLESS SUPPLY OF CANDIDATES, THAT IS JUST NOT THE CASE! WELL, THAT'S NEITHER HERE NOR THERE, BECAUSE THIS POST IS ABOUT SOMEONE NEW.....

MAY I JUST SCREAM OH EM GEE REALLY QUICKLY BEFORE I EXPLAIN....LOL....OK NOW THAT I HAD MY CRAZED CHEERLEADER MOMENT I'LL GET INTO IT...
THIS DUDE HAS BEEN A FRIEND OF MINE FOR ONLY A FEW SHORT MONTHS. MET HIM THROUGH A MUTUAL ACQUAINTANCE. ACTUALLY MET HIM THROUGH SOME DUDE THAT WAS TRYING TO HOLLA AT ME, BUT THAT'S ANOTHER STORY LOL. SO THIS GUY IS IN THE MILITARY. YES, OFFICERS ARE JUST TOO DAMN TASTY! Mmmm Yummy...WELL, ANYWHO...HE DECIDED TODAY WAS THE RIGHT DAY TO COME OUT AND EXPRESS THE WAY HE FEELS ABOUT ME. MIND YOU, I HAD TALKED ABOUT HIM TO ONE OF MY BFF'S IN REFERENCE TO HOW HE COULD "GET IT"!!!! LMAO. HOWEVER, I DO NOT THROW MYSELF AT ANYONE UNLESS I FEEL THERE IS A MUTUAL CONNECTION. (SEE PJ PARTY LOL) I HAD NOT GOTTEN THE IMPRESSION THAT HE WAS INTO ME, SO I DIDN'T BOTHER. TIL TODAY THAT IS...AND ME OH MY...HE WANTS HIM SOME JANE REAL BAD!!! LOL. WELL, I'VE SPENT BASICALLY THE ENTIRE DAY SO FAR GETTING TO KNOW HIM BETTER. AND DAMNED IF I DON'T FIND MYSELF SERIOUSLY ATTRACTED TO, NOT JUST HIS OUTWARD APPEARANCE, THE PERSON HE IS. HE'S SMART, VERY FUNNY, UPFRONT ABOUT HIS LIKES AND DISLIKES AND JUST AN OVERALL REALLY COOL DUDE. FOR THE LAST FEW MONTHS WE'VE BEEN PRETTY COOL FRIENDS. HANG OUT AND TALK SHIT, FLIRT A LITTLE, AS IS MY WAY LOL...SO DO I RISK OUR FRIENDSHIP, AS YOUNG AS IT MAY BE, TO SEE WHAT ELSE THERE IS WITH HIM? IF THERE IS ANYTHING MORE? HE WAS VERY OPEN ABOUT WANTING TO MOVE IN ANOTHER DIRECTION WITH ME...MAYBE I OVER ANALYZE SHIT...BUT I FEEL PRETTY DARN GOOD ABOUT THIS ONE. SUPPOSE ONLY TIME WILL TELL. OH AND I FORGOT TO FEED YA THE CHICKEN KICKER HERE...HE'S LEAVING IN ABOUT 3 WEEKS FOR INTENSE TRAINING IN MISSOURI...SO I HAVE VERY LITTLE TIME TO DECIDE WHAT TO DO. HE'LL BE GONE FOR 6 MONTHS BUT HAS ALREADY ASKED ME TO COME FOR WEEKEND VISITS CUZ NOW THAT HIS FEELINGS ARE ALL OUT IN THE OPEN, HE WANTS TO SPEND AS MUCH TIME WITH ME AS HE CAN...VERY SWEET, AWWWWWW LOL...AYYYYYY I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!

ANOTHER CLIFFHANGER FOLKS....SORRY

TIL NEXT TIME

*BESOS*
~JANE~

SI FUERA TAN FACIL...

YOU KNOW IF LIFE WERE MEANT TO BE EASY, IT WOULD BE...BUT IT'S NOT. IF I WERE MEANT TO UNDERSTAND WHY PEOPLE DO THE THINGS THEY DO...WELL THEN SHIT, I'D BE WAY TO COMFY COZY AND ONE WITH THE WORLD! AND LET'S FACE IT FOLKS, THAT IS JUST NOT THE WAY IT WORKS! I HAVE COME TO EXPECT AND, INDEED, ACCEPT WHAT THIS WORLD HAS TO OFFER ME. MY EXPECTATIONS? NEVER THINK YOU KNOW WHAT'S COMING TO YOU OR THOSE AROUND YOU! THAT'S IT! LIFE IS UNEXPECTED. ACCEPT IT! AS HAVE I! I SAY THIS ALL FOR A REASON...YES THERE IS A POINT TO THIS NONSENSE....

I'M NOT SURE IF I HAD MENTIONED THAT MY EX WAS STAYING WITH ME FOR THE LAST WEEK OR SO...WELL SHE WAS, PAST TENSE...BECAUSE OF COURSE, THERE IS JUST SO MUCH OF EACH OTHER WE ARE ABLE TO ENDURE, LOL. AS I HAVE SAID MANY TIMES, MY EX IS PART OF MY FAMILY. I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR HER. SHE NEEDED A PLACE TO STAY AND GET AWAY FROM HER DRAMA AT HOME, SO I WELCOMED HER INTO MY HOME WITH OPEN ARMS. NOW I AM A VERY UNDERSTANDING PERSON, TO AN EXTENT. HOWEVER, SHE OVERSTEPPED HER BOUNDS AND I DIDN'T HANDLE THAT TOO WELL. YES, I COULD HAVE OVERLOOKED CERTAIN THINGS, BUT WHY SHOULD I? ANYONE WHO KNOWS ME, KNOWS I DON'T HAVE THE MOST EVEN TEMPERAMENT. I HAVE BEEN KNOWN TO BE A BIT AGGRESSIVE WHEN BACKED INTO A CORNER. I'M NOT TALKING PHYSICALLY AGGRESSIVE (ALTHOUGH IT'S HAPPENED)...BUT JUST MY OVERALL ATTITUDE AND MOOD GETS PRETTY DARN SHITTY WHEN I'M UPSET. NOW RATHER THAN WASTE MY TIME AND CURSE THIS CHICK OUT, I DECIDED TO COMPLETELY IGNORE HER. SHE DIDN'T LIKE THAT TOO MUCH AND OH FREAKIN WELL FOR HER! LOL...SO SHE DECIDED TO GO BACK "HOME" TO THE DEPRESSED, SUICIDAL PSYCHO SHE HAS OVER THERE. AGAIN, OH WELL...I CAN'T LIE AND SAY I UNDERSTAND WHY SHE WENT BACK. MAYBE SHE'S LONELY AND LONGS FOR SOMEONE, EVEN THE CRAZIEST OF PEOPLE, TO SHOW HER SOME TYPE OF AFFECTION. IF SO, SORRY, BUT THAT WONT BE ME. SO I GUESS SHE MADE THE RIGHT CHOICE. I LOVE HER AND WISH HER THE BEST. I KNOW SHE'S MAKING MAJOR MISTAKES IN HER LIFE BUT WHO AM I TO TELL HER TO DO THINGS DIFFERENTLY? ON THAT NOTE, WE SHALL MOVE ON......

NOW, DESPITE MY BEST EFFORTS, I HAVE REMAINED NON-SEXUAL LOL. YES, I HAVE BEEN FLIRTATIOUS, BUT TO NO AVAIL. MY DIRTY MIND IS JUST BEING WASTED! LOL. I HAVE SOME HIGH HOPES FOR POSSIBLE SUITORS. AND I WILL KEEP MY FINGERS CROSSED. THERE IS ONE PARTICULAR "MOUNTAIN" I'D LIKE TO CLIMB...BUT I DO NOT THINK HE IS AS WILLLING AS I AM. NONETHELESS, I HAVE MY HIKING GEAR READY TO GO ON A MOMENTS NOTICE! JUST IN CASE, OF COURSE. I BELIEVE I AM WEARING HIM DOWN,LOL...ONLY TIME WILL TELL. I JUST CAN'T WAIT TO PUT MY IMAGINATION TO USE AGAIN! I HAVE TO ADMIT, I DO ENJOY BEING A TEASE SOMETIMES...ONLY SOMETIMES...AT OTHER TIMES ALL I WANT TO DO IS SHOW SOMEONE WHO'S THE FREAKIN BOSS!!! BECAUSE I DO RUN SHIT! LMAO...OK, THIS IS STARTING TO SOUND A TAD SOFT CORE PORN...IF ONLY I COULD GET INTO HIS HEAD AND FIND OUT IF HE REALLY WANTS SOME OR NOT! THAT WOULD BE SERIOUSLY HOT! OK...OK...THINK IT'S TIME TO GO!!! LOL

TIL NEXT TIME...

XOXOX
~JANE~

NOT WHAT I HAD IN MIND...

I'M BACK AND NOT AT ALL IN A GOOD MOOD! I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO GET OUT AND ENJOY THE BEAUTIFUL EVENING...WHICH I ENDED UP DOING...BY MYSELF IN THE PARK! AFTER TELLING MY SO CALLED COMPANY TO GO THE HELL AWAY!!! I SWEAR MY TOLERANCE LEVEL IS BASICALLY ZERO. THE THINGS I USED TO PUT UP WITH, WILL NO LONGER BE TOLERATED. I THINK I'M MORE MAD AT MYSELF FOR ALLOWING OTHER PEOPLE'S SELFISHNESS TO GET TO ME. I KNOW YOU CAN'T TEACH SOMEONE HOW TO BE CONSIDERATE, BUT WTF BRO??? THE WORST PART IS, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO BE ANY OTHER WAY THAN THE WAY I AM. SO I END UP GETTING THE SHORT END OF THE STICK EVERYTIME FOR BEING TOO DAMN NICE. WELL, I HAVE HAD ENOUGH. THAT'S WHY I HAD TO ASK MY "COMPANY" TO GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME BEFORE THERE WAS A REAL PROBLEM!!! UGH!!!!!!!! OK, OK...I DON'T WANT TO RAGE ABOUT THIS ALL NIGHT. I JUST FEEL LIKE A DICK FOR BELIEVING THAT SOMEONE COULD CHANGE OR AT LEAST PRETEND TO BE A BETTER PERSON THAN THEY USED TO BE. IT WOULD OF COST YOU ALL OF ONE NIGHT TO NOT BE A COMPLETE FUCKER!!! ANYWHOOOOOOOO......

I DID HAVE SOME OTHER TOPICS I WANTED TO ADDRESS....BUT AT THE MOMENT MY MIND IS A LITTLE CLOUDY....I REALLY DO NEED TO CHILLAX! LOL.

OH OK...HOW ABOUT THIS...FOR THOSE PAYING ATTENTION, "THE NEWBIE" TURNED OUT TO BE A FREAKIN 5 WATT LIGHTBULB! NOT VERY BRIGHT AT ALL! SUPER NICE GUY. VERY SWEET AND ATTENTIVE. APPROPRIATELY AFFECTIONATE...BUT OH DEAR LORD! THE DUDE IS DUMB AS DIRT! I DON'T CLAIM TO BE THE SMARTEST PERSON AROUND, BUT COME ON! HE DIDN'T KNOW WHAT CLAUSTROPHOBIA MEANT! OR WHAT OCD WAS! OK, MAYBE THESE THINGS DON'T COME UP IN EVERYDAY CONVERSATION, BUT AS A GROWN ASS MAN I REFUSE TO BELIEVE HE "NEVER HEARD OF IT"!!! YUP, THAT WAS HIS RESPONSE TO ME WHEN I EXPLAINED WHAT IT MEANT IT TO HIM. I DON'T KNOW, MAYBE I'M BEING WAY TOO PICKY. OH WELL. NOW, TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE, I FOUND OUT HE WAS IN A BAD "ACCIDENT"...AND HAS BEEN IN ICU FOR THE LAST FEW DAYS. NOW SUDDENLY HIS SISTER HAS BECOME MY BFF OR SOME SHIT AND WANTS TO KEEP ME UPDATED ON HIS CONDITION. EVEN GOING SO FAR AS TO ASK ME WHAT WERE MY INTENTIONS WITH HER BROTHER!!! I AM ABOUT TO BE 35 YEARS OLD! IT'S NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS! I DIDN'T SAY IT QUITE SO RUDELY, BUT I FEEL HAD I DONE SO, I WOULD HAVE BEEN JUSTIFIED. I AM WORRIED ABOUT HIM. ABOVE ALL ELSE, WE ARE FRIENDS. BUT I'M AFRAID THEY MIGHT TAKE MY CONCERN FOR HIS WELL BEING AND TURN IT INTO ME HAVING FEELINGS FOR HIM OTHER THAN FRIENDSHIP. WHICH, I WAS ALREADY INFORMED BY HIS SISTER, IS HOW HE FEELS ABOUT ME. LIKE MORE THAN JUST FRIENDS. HE WANTS TO SUPPOSEDLY TRY AND MAKE A FUTURE WITH ME. OH BOY...NOW I FEEL LIKE I'M IN A SPANISH NOVELA! THIS IS INSANITY! I DO NOT LOOK FORWARD TO THE INEVITABLE HEARTBREAK I'M GOING TO CAUSE...I HAD NO IDEA THIS POOR GUY HAD ALREADY STARTED FEELING THAT WAY. UGH, I FEEL HORRIBLE NOW FOR WHAT I HAVE TO DO. BUT I WONT LEAD HIM ON, SO IT HAS TO BE DONE. IT'S FUNNY, MY FRIENDS SAY I ALWAYS HAVE SOMETHING CRAZY GOING ON AND I LAUGH IT OFF...BUT I'M STARTING TO THINK THEY'RE RIGHT! LOL..........


OH EM GEE...I'M ALWAYS GOING OFF TOPIC...LOL
TIME TO SAY ADIOS...

~JANE~

WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF?

I SHOULD NEVER TAKE SO LONG TO POST!!! I NOW HAVE SO MUCH I WANT TO SAY AND I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO START!!! I WOULD LIKE TO UPDATE YOU GUYS ON MY DAY TO DAY, BUT DAMNED IF I'M NOT ALWAYS TOO BUSY TO SIGN IN AND DO SO! OK, SO........

I SHALL BEGIN BY SAYING, I HAVE BEEN INDEED ENJOYING MY SUMMER THUS FAR. I'VE BEEN SPENDING A LOT TIME WITH MY FRIENDS. AS WELL AS MY KIDS. WHICH HAS BEEN AWESOME. BEEN HOUSE SHOPPING IN CONNECTICUT...STILL VERY INDECISIVE ABOUT MOVING OUT OF NEW YORK THOUGH. PREPARING FOR MY ROADTRIP/WEEKEND GETAWAY TO MAINE...I LOVE MAINE! IF I COULD AFFORD TO LIVE THERE I SO WOULD! IT'S HARD ENOUGH GETTING MY KIDS TO AGREE WITH A MOVE TO CT, LET ALONE MAINE! LOL. ANYWHO, MY EX HAS BEEN STAYING WITH ME...YEA, I KNOW HOW THAT SOUNDS...BUT SHE'S GOING THROUGH A LOT AND EVENTHOUGH SHE WASN'T THERE FOR ME WHEN I NEEDED HER, I WOULD NEVER USE THAT AGAINST HER AND LEAVE HER OUT IN THE COLD. AS YOU ALL MUST KNOW BY NOW, I LOVE HER TO BITS AND PIECES. I WILL ALWAYS BE HERE FOR HER. ALTHOUGH I MUST ADMIT, SHE IS CRAMPING MY STYLE! LOL. TWICE THIS WEEK SO FAR I COULD HAVE ENDED MY "DROUGHT"...BUT I STAYED HOME TO CHEER HER UP. LET ME NOT MAKE THAT SOUND LIKE I STAYED AGAINST MY WILL. SHE IS MY FAMILY AND MY FAMILY COMES BEFORE EVERYTHING. I HAVE TO ADMIT, THAT BEING WITHOUT SEX AGAIN IS NOT AS HARD AS IT WAS THE LAST TIME I WENT ON A SEX DIET. OH, DON'T GET ME WRONG, IT HAS BEEN QUITE TRYING...BUT I HAVE ALSO BECOME MORE SELECTIVE THAN EVER. THE OLDER I GET, THE LESS I'M WILLING TO SETTLE. I KNOW I'M A GOOD WOMAN. I KNOW WHAT I DESERVE. AND AT THIS POINT IN MY LIFE, I WONT ACCEPT ANYTHING LESS THAN THAT. NO, IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH LOOKS. I HAVE NEVER BEEN ABOUT THAT. YES, PHYSICAL ATTRACTION IS IMPORTANT. HOWEVER, U CAN BE PHYSICALLY ATTRACTED TO SOMEONE YOU DON'T FIND PARTICULARLY GOOD LOOKING. ANYWHO, I SHALL DELVE MORE INTO THAT IN ANOTHER POST.
FOR THE MOST PART...I CAN'T COMPLAIN. MY FAMILY IS WELL. WHICH IS ALWAYS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO ME.

YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN?!?!? NOW THAT I SETTLED DOWN FOR THIS POST...I GET A CALL...TAKING A DRIVE AROUND, AND MAYBE SOME DINNER...I WILL CONTINUE THIS HOPEFULLY WHEN I RETURN...

******BESITOS******
~JANE~