NOT WHAT I HAD IN MIND...

I'M BACK AND NOT AT ALL IN A GOOD MOOD! I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO GET OUT AND ENJOY THE BEAUTIFUL EVENING...WHICH I ENDED UP DOING...BY MYSELF IN THE PARK! AFTER TELLING MY SO CALLED COMPANY TO GO THE HELL AWAY!!! I SWEAR MY TOLERANCE LEVEL IS BASICALLY ZERO. THE THINGS I USED TO PUT UP WITH, WILL NO LONGER BE TOLERATED. I THINK I'M MORE MAD AT MYSELF FOR ALLOWING OTHER PEOPLE'S SELFISHNESS TO GET TO ME. I KNOW YOU CAN'T TEACH SOMEONE HOW TO BE CONSIDERATE, BUT WTF BRO??? THE WORST PART IS, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO BE ANY OTHER WAY THAN THE WAY I AM. SO I END UP GETTING THE SHORT END OF THE STICK EVERYTIME FOR BEING TOO DAMN NICE. WELL, I HAVE HAD ENOUGH. THAT'S WHY I HAD TO ASK MY "COMPANY" TO GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME BEFORE THERE WAS A REAL PROBLEM!!! UGH!!!!!!!! OK, OK...I DON'T WANT TO RAGE ABOUT THIS ALL NIGHT. I JUST FEEL LIKE A DICK FOR BELIEVING THAT SOMEONE COULD CHANGE OR AT LEAST PRETEND TO BE A BETTER PERSON THAN THEY USED TO BE. IT WOULD OF COST YOU ALL OF ONE NIGHT TO NOT BE A COMPLETE FUCKER!!! ANYWHOOOOOOOO......

I DID HAVE SOME OTHER TOPICS I WANTED TO ADDRESS....BUT AT THE MOMENT MY MIND IS A LITTLE CLOUDY....I REALLY DO NEED TO CHILLAX! LOL.

OH OK...HOW ABOUT THIS...FOR THOSE PAYING ATTENTION, "THE NEWBIE" TURNED OUT TO BE A FREAKIN 5 WATT LIGHTBULB! NOT VERY BRIGHT AT ALL! SUPER NICE GUY. VERY SWEET AND ATTENTIVE. APPROPRIATELY AFFECTIONATE...BUT OH DEAR LORD! THE DUDE IS DUMB AS DIRT! I DON'T CLAIM TO BE THE SMARTEST PERSON AROUND, BUT COME ON! HE DIDN'T KNOW WHAT CLAUSTROPHOBIA MEANT! OR WHAT OCD WAS! OK, MAYBE THESE THINGS DON'T COME UP IN EVERYDAY CONVERSATION, BUT AS A GROWN ASS MAN I REFUSE TO BELIEVE HE "NEVER HEARD OF IT"!!! YUP, THAT WAS HIS RESPONSE TO ME WHEN I EXPLAINED WHAT IT MEANT IT TO HIM. I DON'T KNOW, MAYBE I'M BEING WAY TOO PICKY. OH WELL. NOW, TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE, I FOUND OUT HE WAS IN A BAD "ACCIDENT"...AND HAS BEEN IN ICU FOR THE LAST FEW DAYS. NOW SUDDENLY HIS SISTER HAS BECOME MY BFF OR SOME SHIT AND WANTS TO KEEP ME UPDATED ON HIS CONDITION. EVEN GOING SO FAR AS TO ASK ME WHAT WERE MY INTENTIONS WITH HER BROTHER!!! I AM ABOUT TO BE 35 YEARS OLD! IT'S NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS! I DIDN'T SAY IT QUITE SO RUDELY, BUT I FEEL HAD I DONE SO, I WOULD HAVE BEEN JUSTIFIED. I AM WORRIED ABOUT HIM. ABOVE ALL ELSE, WE ARE FRIENDS. BUT I'M AFRAID THEY MIGHT TAKE MY CONCERN FOR HIS WELL BEING AND TURN IT INTO ME HAVING FEELINGS FOR HIM OTHER THAN FRIENDSHIP. WHICH, I WAS ALREADY INFORMED BY HIS SISTER, IS HOW HE FEELS ABOUT ME. LIKE MORE THAN JUST FRIENDS. HE WANTS TO SUPPOSEDLY TRY AND MAKE A FUTURE WITH ME. OH BOY...NOW I FEEL LIKE I'M IN A SPANISH NOVELA! THIS IS INSANITY! I DO NOT LOOK FORWARD TO THE INEVITABLE HEARTBREAK I'M GOING TO CAUSE...I HAD NO IDEA THIS POOR GUY HAD ALREADY STARTED FEELING THAT WAY. UGH, I FEEL HORRIBLE NOW FOR WHAT I HAVE TO DO. BUT I WONT LEAD HIM ON, SO IT HAS TO BE DONE. IT'S FUNNY, MY FRIENDS SAY I ALWAYS HAVE SOMETHING CRAZY GOING ON AND I LAUGH IT OFF...BUT I'M STARTING TO THINK THEY'RE RIGHT! LOL..........


OH EM GEE...I'M ALWAYS GOING OFF TOPIC...LOL
TIME TO SAY ADIOS...

~JANE~