JUST ONE OF THOSE DAYS...

I LOVE HAVING MOMENTS OF EMPOWERMENT! LOL...

SOMETIMES BEING A WOMAN IS SO MUCH FUN! IT'S SAD THAT A MAN DOESN'T REALLY GET A CHANCE TO KNOW HOW IT FEELS FOR A COMPLETE STRANGER TO STOP YOU AND TELL YOU THAT YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL OR SEXY...UNLESS YOU'RE BRAD PITT OR DENZEL...IT DOESN'T REALLY HAPPEN MUCH, DOES IT? WHEN DONE IN THE RIGHT WAY, A RANDOM COMPLIMENT LIKE THAT CAN SOOO MAKE YOUR DAY! TODAY WAS JUST ONE OF THOSE DAYS I SUPPOSE BECAUSE I HEARD IT SEVERAL TIMES. YES, I HEAR IT EVERYDAY, BUT NOT ALWAYS IN A RESPECTFUL WAY...MORE LIKE A GROSS PERVY WAY. SO TODAY WAS ACTUALLY PRETTY COOL IN THAT ALL MY COMPLIMENTS WERE...WELL, COMPLIMENTARY. LOL. IT MADE A CRAPPY DAY AT WORK SEEM A TOUCH MORE BEARABLE. SO THANK YOU TO THE RANDOM STRANGERS THAT SAID ALL THOSE NICE THINGS TO ME, JUST WHEN I NEEDED TO HEAR IT MOST. I KNOW ALL THIS MAY SOUND IMMODEST OR EGOTISTICAL...EVEN SLIGHTLY CONCEITED..BUT I CAN ASSURE YOU, I HAVEN'T BEEN HAVING THE BEST COUPLE OF WEEKS SO EVERY LITTLE BIT HELPS ;-)

WITH MY THANK YOU'S OUT THERE...LET'S HOPE IT CONTINUES INTO TONIGHT AND I GET A COUPLE FREE DRINKS OUT OF IT! LMFAO! OK, I'VE GONE TOO FAR! LOL...I'LL QUIT WHILE I'M AHEAD. AS ALWAYS...TIL LATER MY LOVERLIES!

~JANE~

WOW, WHAT AN EYE OPENER...

SEEMS I ALLOWED MYSELF TO BELIEVE A FANTASY...

THIS POST IS NOT TO EXPLAIN WHY SHIT HAPPENS...IT'S NOT GOING TO BE A "WHOA IS ME" BREAKDOWN...IT IS WHAT IT IS. I WAS WRONG. POINT PERIOD BLANK! DO I FEEL FOOLISH? HELL YES! HOWEVER, I DO APPRECIATE HONESTY. GUESS THAT'S JUST ME THOUGH...SINCE MY HONESTY IS WHAT FORCED "THE TALK" OR SHOULD I SAY, TEXT? CUZ DUDE DIDN'T EVEN CALL AND TELL ME HOW HE FELT. HE BBM'ED ME. AM I SURPRISED? I ACTUALLY AM. I ALWAYS THOUGHT THAT IF I WAS HONEST ABOUT WHO I AM AND HOW I FEEL, OR EVEN WHAT I'M THINKING...THAT IT WOULD, AT THE VERY LEAST, BE APPRECIATED. SEEMS PEOPLE JUST WANT TO HEAR WHAT THEY WANT TO HEAR...WHICH IS ALMOST ALWAYS, NOT THE TRUTH!!! DO I APOLOGIZE FOR BEING OPEN ABOUT WHO I AM AND WHAT I DO? NOT ONE DAMN BIT! I WON'T LIE, AFTER I READ THE MESSAGES LAST NIGHT...I FELT HORRIBLE. I BASICALLY CRIED MYSELF TO SLEEP. BUT I WOKE UP FEELING LIKE...THIS DUDE HAS NO IDEA HOW GOOD A WOMAN I AM! AND NOW, HE'LL NEVER KNOW. ALL BECAUSE OF WHAT I WRITE! THAT IS A DAMN SHAME...FOR HIM! SO YES, I'M OVER IT. FASTER THAN I WOULD'VE BEEN IN THE PAST. WHY? CUZ I'VE KEPT MY EYES AND EARS OPEN THROUGHOUT MY ADULT LIFE...I KNOW WHAT'S OUT THERE. SO I CAN SAY, WITHOUT ANY DOUBT IN MY MIND, THAT I AM A GOOD WOMAN. A GOOD PERSON. I HAVE NOT CROSSED TOO MANY PEOPLE LIKE MYSELF IN MY LIFETIME. SO I KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO FIND SOMEONE AS GENUINE AS I AM. YEA, I KNOW, THIS SOUNDS LIKE I'M FULL OF MYSELF...BUT THAT'S NOT THE CASE. IT'S JUST WHAT I SAID, I'VE PAID ATTENTION.

ANYWAY...I WON'T DWELL ON THIS ANYMORE THAN I DWELL ON UNNECESSARY DRAMA. I AM MOVING ON YET AGAIN. LOL...CHEESE AND RICE BRO...HOW MANY TIMES CAN ONE PERSON GO THROUGH THIS SHIT AND STILL BE ABLE TO SMILE??? I'M JUST GLAD, THAT AS I TYPE THIS...I AM MOST DEFINITELY SMILING. AFTER THE WAY I FELT LAST NIGHT, I DIDN'T THINK I WOULD BE CAPABLE OF THAT. IT'S SO AWESOME TO KNOW WHO YOU ARE...HOPE YOU ALL GET THE CHANCE TO EXPERIENCE THIS TYPE OF SELF AWARENESS. IT DIDN'T COME BY EASY FOR ME EITHER!!! YEARS OF STRUGGLE AND INSECURITY FINALLY BROUGHT ME SOME FORM OF SELF ACCEPTANCE. AND I AM HAPPIER IN MY LIFE THAN I'VE EVER BEEN. EVEN WITH ALL THE BS.

ANYWHOOOOO...TIME TO GET BACK TO WORK,LOL...

TIL NEXT TIME MY BABYLUV'S...

~JANE~

SECOND CHANCES???

I'VE ALWAYS BELIEVED THAT EVERYONE DESERVES A SECOND CHANCE. I'VE EVEN BEEN KNOWN TO GRANT A THIRD AND EVEN FOURTH CHANCE DEPENDING ON A GIVEN SITUATION. PEOPLE MAKE MISTAKES. THEY HURT YOUR FEELINGS. THEY FAIL TO DELIVER. IT'S HUMAN NATURE. WE ARE AN IMPERFECT SPECIES. WHAT I DON'T GET IS WHY I WOULD GET UPSET BECAUSE SOMEONE FAILED ON ME THE SECOND TIME AROUND AS WELL. I MEAN LET'S FACE IT FOLKS...THEY LET YOU DOWN ONCE, WHY WOULDN'T THEY DO IT AGAIN? RIGHT? SO WHY AM I EVEN LETTING THIS GET TO ME??? OK, I KNOW WHY...I WANTED THIS PERSON TO PROVE ME WRONG...I WANTED TO BELIEVE THAT THEY WERE EVERYTHING THEY CLAIMED TO BE. NOT SAYING THAT THEY AREN'T, JUST SAYING THEY HAVEN'T EVEN ATTEMPTED TO PROVE THEY ARE! SO I'M STUCK NOT KNOWING WHAT TO DO OR HOW TO FEEL. YES, I'M DISAPPOINTED. SO I SUPPOSE THAT IS HOW I FEEL...I DON'T KNOW. I ALWAYS END UP PUTTING TOO MUCH FAITH IN PEOPLE KNOWING THAT NO-ONE CAN BE TRUSTED TO COME THROUGH FOR YOU, BUT YOU. SO I'M LEFT WITH THE DI DI DI DUMB BITCH FACE...UGH...OH WELL.

I THINK I NEED TO EXTREME MAKE-OVER MY LIFE. OR MAYBE I JUST NEED TO REMOVE CERTAIN PEOPLE FROM MY LIFE. I DON'T KNOW. THIS IS WHY I LIVE BY "YOU GET WHAT YOU GIVE". DON'T EXPECT MUCH WHEN YOU'RE NOT WILLING OR CAPABLE OF DOING MUCH. ANYWHO...GOTTA GO...TIL NEXT TIME LOVERLIES...


XOXO
~JANE~

NEVER SAY NEVER...

IT SEEMS I'M ALWAYS DOING THINGS TO ENSURE I GO STRAIGHT TO HELL! UGH! WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING? I KNOW BETTER! WELL, KNOWING BETTER AND ACTUALLY BEING/DOING BETTER ARE 2 TOTALLY DIFFERENT THINGS APPARENTLY! I CAN ONLY SIT HERE AND SHAKE MY HEAD AT MY OWN STUPIDITY. I'VE ALWAYS SAID THAT I DO WHAT I FEEL LIKE DOING WHEN I FEEL LIKE DOING IT...I REFUSE TO EVER LIVE WITH THAT ANNOYING LITTLE QUESTION "WHAT IF..."BUT IN THIS INSTANCE...I SHOULD HAVE LEFT THINGS ALONE!!! NOT ALL OPPORTUNITIES SHOULD BE SEIZED! LOL. OK, AT THIS POINT I THINK I'M ONLY SAYING WHAT I THINK OTHER PEOPLE WANT TO HEAR ME SAY. BECAUSE TO BE PERFECTLY HONEST...I DON'T FEEL BAD...WHY? I DON'T KNOW. BUT I DON'T. I ENJOYED MYSELF. I JUST DON'T LIKE MAKING THESE ACTIONS OF MINE, A REGULAR HABIT LOL. I KNOW I'M NOT BEING SPECIFIC, AND THAT IS QUITE INTENTIONAL! NOT FOR MY BENEFIT, BUT TO NOT GIVE AWAY TOO MUCH IN REGARDS TO OTHER PARTIES INVOLVED. I KNOW I AM USUALLY VERY OPEN AND HONEST ABOUT WHAT GOES ON IN MY LIFE...BUT SOME THINGS ARE BEST KEPT TO ONES SELF. I JUST FEEL I NEEDED TO VENT A BIT. I THINK I JUST FEEL BAD, FOR NOT FEELING BAD! A PART OF ME DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO FEEL ABOUT THAT. LIKE I KNOW I SHOULD FEEL BAD...BUT EVERYTIME I START TO THINK OF ALL THE REASONS WHY I WAS WRONG, I FIND MORE REASONS TO JUSTIFY WHAT I'VE DONE. OH WELL, IT'S TOO LATE NOW. I CVAN'T TURN BACK TIME AND RE-DO OR UNDO ANYTHING...NOT THAT I WOULD! I DID IT BECAUSE I WANTED TO. I WILL NOT APOLOGIZE FOR ACCEPTING SOMETHING I WANTED. YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN! LOL...ALWAYS DEFEDNING WHAT I'VE DONE WITH SOME TYPE OF JUSTIFICATION! LMAO...I'M HOPELESS!

ON A TOTALLY DIFFERENT TOPIC...THIS BORN AND RAISED IN NEW YORK CHICA JUST MAY BE MOVING OUT OF NEW YORK! I HAVE OFFICIALLY BEEN COURTED BY CONNECTICUT AND NEW JERSEY, LOL. I SHALL KEEP YOU ALL UPDATED ON MY DECISION...TIL NEXT TIME FOLKS...

XOXOXOX
~JANE~

EMOTIONAL...

THIS HAS BEEN A ONE HELL OF A ROLLERCOASTER RIDE OF A WEEK FOR ME. WHO KNEW SO MUCH COULD HAPPEN IN LESS THAN 7 DAYS??? I HOPE TO BE STRONG ENOUGH TO GET THROUGH THIS ALL WITH THE SAME DETERMINATION AND JOY FOR LIFE AS I DID BEFORE IT ALL BEGAN. I KNOW THAT I HAVEN'T EXACTLY BEEN DEALING WITH IT ALL IN THE BEST WAY...BUT THOSE STORIES ARE BEST LEFT FOR ANOTHER POSTING...

I WOULD JUST LIKE TO THANK MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY FOR ALL OF THEIR SUPPORT AND JUST FOR LOVING ME THE WAY THEY DO. I KNOW I'M NOT THE EASIEST PERSON TO LOVE, SO THANK YOU WITH ALL MY HEART.

NOW I'M STARTING TO DEPRESS MYSELF...OK THE SMILE IS BACK...NO MATTER HOW MOMENTARY...TIL LATER LOVERLIES....XOXOXOX

WOWZERS...

IT'S SO FUNNY TO ME WHEN I LOOK BACK AT MY OLDER POSTS AND REALIZE HOW MUCH MY FEELINGS, AND JUST MY LIFE IN GENERAL, CHANGE FROM A DAY TO DAY BASIS! LESS THAN A MONTH AGO I WAS ABOUT READY TO PROFESS MY LOVE TO SOME DUDE I NO LONGER EVEN WANT TO KNOW ABOUT! LMAO. HEY, I TRIED, DUDE WAS SCUM. POINT. PERIOD. BLANK! I JUST HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE TURN OUT TO BE TOTALLY DIFFERENT THEN THEY APPEAR TO BE IN THE BEGINNING OF A RELATIONSHIP. OH WELL, IT'S ALL FOR THE BEST. I'M GLAD I FOUND OUT SOONER THAN LATER THAT HE WAS TRASH. I'VE ALSO CUT BACK ON THE WHOLE FLIRTING THING. IT'S AWESOMELY FUN TO FLIRT...JUST NOT WHEN THE OTHER PARTY INVOLVED IN THE FLIRTING PROCESS STARTS TO TAKE SHIT SERIOUSLY...NO BUENO! ANYWHO...I'VE BEEN GOING THROUGH A COUPLE OF NOT SO FUN THINGS IN MY LIFE, BUT OVERALL, I'VE BEEN GOOD. MY SEX LIFE STILL SUCKS MAJOR BALLS...AFTER THAT ONE TIME AWESOME ASS SEX SESSION WITH MY HOMIE, NOTHING. THERE IS SOMEONE I HAVE BEEN FRIENDS WITH FOR A WHILE, AND WHO I WOULD NOT MIND GIVING SOME...WOULDN'T MIND NOT ONE LITTLE BIT! I'VE ACTUALLY BEEN THROWING THE COOCHIE AT HIM FOR QUITE SOME TIME LMAO...IT'S CRAZY CUZ I'VE KNOWN HIM FOR YEARS. WHO KNOWS WHAT COULD HAVE HAPPENED A LONG TIME AGO, BUT I MESSED UP. BAD...TOO LONG A STORY TO GET INTO RIGHT NOW. HOWEVER, I TAKE FULL RESPONSIBILITY FOR WHAT HAPPENED. HE'S A COOL DUDE. I ACTUALLY REALLY LIKE HIM. FUNNY THING IS, I HAVEN'T SEEN HIM IN YEARS! WE HAVE KEPT IN CONTACT THROUGH MYSPACE, FACEBOOK, TEXT AND EVEN BBM...BUT I HAVE NOT SEEN THIS MAN FACE TO FACE IN YEARS! LIL SECRET BETWEEN US, I KINDA HAVE THE HOTS FOR HIM, LOL...I'M SURE HE KNOWS THIS. I HAVE NOT BEEN SHY ABOUT WHAT I WOULD LIKE TO DO WITH HIM, TO HIM AND FOR HIM! GEEZ, SOMETIMES I'M TOO FORWARD. I JUST DON'T KNOW HOW ELSE TO BE. WELL, THE POINT IN BRINGING HIM UP NOW IS THAT I THINK WE ARE FINALLY READY TO STOP THE PHONE FLIRTATION AND ACTUALLY GET IT IN! CAN YOU SAY "ABOUT DAMN TIME"??? I'M A LITTLE WORRIED ABOUT THIS NEXT STEP THOUGH. YOU SEE, I'VE KINDA GOTTEN USED TO HIM. LIKE, IF WE DON'T TEXT EACH OTHER ALL DAY, I'LL MISS HIM A LITTLE BIT. NOW IT'S ONE THING TO WANT HIM TO POUND ME OUT AND QUITE ANOTHER FOR ME TO ACTUALLY LIKE HIM. AND I HAVE TO ADMIT, I DO LIKE HIM. HE'S SMART, FUNNY, SWEET AND CUTE. NOW I KNOW THIS SOUNDS LIKE EVERY OTHER TIME I'VE HAD A CRUSH ON SOMEONE, LOL. THE DIFFERENCE HERE IS, WE'VE BEEN FRIENDS FOR A LONG TIME. WHAT IF WE DO THIS, AND I DO THE CHICK THING AND TOTALLY FALL FOR HIS ASS??? I DON'T REALLY SEE HIM AS THE TYPE OF GUY TO CATCH FEELINGS. IN REALITY, HE HAS NEVER EVEN MENTIONED LIKING ME AS ANYTHING MORE THAN FRIENDS. WHICH HAS BEEN AWESOME. I ALWAYS END UP HURTING A FRIEND CUZ THE FEELINGS AREN'T MUTUAL. BUT IN THIS CASE, I THINK I'M GOING TO BE THE ONE THAT BOILS HIS RABBIT...U KNO WHAT I'M SAYIN? JUST CUZ HE'S SUCH A COOL DUDE. A TOTAL PERV...WHICH I'M SURE IS QUITE EVIDENT BY NOW TO YOU ALL...IS A QUALITY I LOVE IN A MAN! JUST THE RIGHT AMOUNT OF PERVERSITY AND SEXINESS, YET SWEET AND THOUGHTFUL AS WELL. SHIT, AND I'M IN LOVE! SO FAR...HE HAS ALL THESE QUALITIES. THAT'S WHY I'VE KEPT HIM AROUND FOR SO LONG *WINK WINK*...WELL THAT AND THE FACT THAT I KNOW HE'S AN AMAZING KISSER LOL. AYYYY WHAT TO DO??? I DON'T KNOW WHY I ASK...I ALREADY KNOW MYSELF, AND I KNOW THAT MEANS I'M GOING TO GO FOR IT CUZ I UNDERSTAND I ONLY HAVE ONE LIFE TO LIVE AND BELIEVE YOU, ME...I'M LIVING IT! I REFUSE TO GROW OLD AND GREY AND SIT IN MY ROCKER ONE DAY THINKING ALOUD "WHAT IF...." I'M NOT A "WHAT IF" TYPE OF PERSON. SO FUCK IT! IF PRESENTED TO ME, I WILL TAKE THE OPPORTUNITY.

I'M FEELING LIKE A BROKEN RECORD...LOL...SAME OLD SONG, JUST WITH NEW BACKUP SINGERS! LOL. HEY, WHAT CAN I SAY? I'M YOUR AVERAGE, NORMAL, EMOTIONAL WOMAN! LOL


ANYWAY....GOTTA GO...

TIL NEXT TIME MY LOVERLIES!
~JANE~