BEING LULLED INTO A FALSE SENSE OF SECURITY REALLY BITES! I KNOW I DO SHIT TO MYSELF SO I SHOULDN'T REALLY COMPLAIN ABOUT IT, BUT FUCK IF I DON'T WANT TO COMPLAIN ANYWAY!!!
RELATIONSHIPS WILL BE THE TOPIC OF THE DAY...
JUST WHEN YOU THINK YOUR RELATIONSHIP CAN WITHSTAND ANYTHING...THE WORST CASE SCENARIO YOU'VE ALWAYS THOUGHT UP IN THE BACK OF YOUR OVERACTIVE MIND ACTUALLY EFFIN HAPPENS!!! OH YEA, SHIT HAS INDEED HIT THE FAN! OF COURSE I HAVE NO ONE TO BLAME BUT MYSELF, SO AGAIN, HOW UPSET CAN I REALLY GET? WELL FACT IS, I'M PISSED! I'M PISSED BECAUSE I WAS STUPID ENOUGH TO BELIEVE MY DEEPEST DARKEST SECRETS WOULD NEVER SEE THE LIGHT OF DAY. OBVIOUSLY THAT WAS ME ON A WHOLE NEW LEVEL OF NAIVE!!! I UNFORTUNATELY THOUGHT THAT IT WOULD NEVER HAVE TO BE FOUND OUT OR DISCUSSED...WHY? WHEN OUR RELATIONSHIP IS SO SOLID? RIGHT? YEA, OK...BS!!! I GUESS A PART OF ME FELT THAT SINCE I NEVER LIED ABOUT CERTAIN EVENTS, IT WOULDN'T BE SUCH A BIG DEAL. YES, I KEPT IT TO MYSELF WHEN I SHOULD HAVE SPOKEN OUT ABOUT IT FROM THE START...BUT AGAIN, WHY? I FELT NO NEED IN PUTTING PAST ISSUES INTO WHAT WAS TURNING INTO A BEAUTIFUL, LOVING "US". I DON'T KNOW, MAYBE I'M TRYING TO JUSTIFY WHAT I FAILED TO MENTION. MAYBE I STILL FEEL LIKE, AT THE TIME, IT WASN'T RELEVANT. HOW WRONG I WAS.
THE OUTCOME AFTER THE WHOLE TRUTH AND NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH WAS REVEALED? A STRAINED HOME LIFE...AN INSECURE ME...AN INSECURE HER...AND MORE QUESTIONS THAN ANSWERS. I'M TRYING MY BEST TO PUT THIS WHOLE SITUATION BEHIND US. START FRESH. AND FOR THE TIME BEING, IT SEEMS IT'S ALSO WHAT SHE WANTS. BUT OF COURSE MY INSECURITY ISN'T ALLOWING ME TO FULLY BELIEVE THAT. I SEE THE WORST IN EVERYTHING NOW. AND THAT IS SO NOT ME! I'M USUALLY VERY EASYGOING AND CONTENT FOR THE MOST PART WITH MY LIFE. THIS IS ALL REALLY GETTING TO ME. WORST PART IS, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO CONTROL IT. MY EMOTIONS, MY ACTIONS, MYSELF IN GENERAL. I'VE NEVER BEEN THE TYPE OF PERSON TO QUESTION MYSELF. SHIT, WE ALL MAKE MISTAKES. NO ONE IS PERFECT. SO WHY AM I STRESSING THIS SO MUCH? CUZ I HURT HER...THAT'S WHY. AND IT'S KILLING ME.
I KNOW WE CAN GET PAST THIS CUZ WE TRULY DO LOVE EACH OTHER. IF SHE DIDN'T LOVE ME, SHE WOULD HAVE WALKED OUT AND JUST SAID "FUCK IT"! IF I DIDN'T LOVE HER, I'D LET HER GO...BUT NEITHER OF US HAS GONE THAT ROUTE. WHICH I'M GUESSING IS A SIGN WE CAN GET THROUGH THIS. I'M HOPING IT IS ANYWAY.
UGH ANYWHO...I JUST NEEDED TO VENT A BIT. TIRED OF BORING MY FRIENDS WITH THE DRAMA THAT IS MY LIFE AT PRESENT TIME. LOL...
TIL NEXT TIME, AS ALWAYS...BESOS N HUGS
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